Jemma: Together Forever?
by Brooks's-Babey
Summary: NOW COMPLETE! Jay and Emma. Set around the time of the shooting and gonnorhea sp outbreak in season 4. Note, the shooting happened but the gonnorhea outbreak didn't. However the consequences of Jay and Spinner's actions turn out a little different.
1. INTRO

My new (well, first really) story, its a Jemma fanfic.

Set around the time of the shooting and the gonorrhea outbreak. Enjoy!


	2. Shattered Worlds

Emma met Jay on the Monday afternoon with every intention of telling him. But when he arrived, his mind was some place else.

"Jay..." Emma said slowly as he plopped down on the bench next to her. Emma's stomach flipped as she thought about what she had to do. It was the scariest, most daunting thing she'd ever done. Emma looked at Jay from the profile vantage point at which she sat, and his face was screwed up and looked angry. But that could have been the bright sunlight beaming onto his face to make him squint. "I... uh, thanks for coming."

"Look, Em, just spit it out, OK?" Jay said gruffly. He didn't turn to look at her. _Perhaps he knew what was coming. No, that was impossible. Or was it? _

"Jay?" Emma wanted him to look at her. It was driving her crazy. She slapped his leg, rather aggressively and his top half swung around and looked pissed. "I'm pregnant."

Jay stopped dead in his seat and slowly slid backwards off the bench. He stood up slowly and looked down at her in disbelief. "Woah!" He helled up his hands like a surrenderer and laughed mockingly at her. "Stop ya bullshittin', Nelson."

"Jay!" Emma exclaimed tearfully. "I'm not lying!"

"Well, the kid ain't mine!" Jay shouted defensively. "It's been months since we had sex, its not possible."

"Jay, it is yours! You're the only one I've ever been with." Emma said shakily. "I'm almost three months gone already." She added quietly.

"And you waited 'til now to tell me?" Jay exploded back to her.

"I tried, but... but-"

"Cos you're lying! Get the fuck away, Nelson." Jay turned and swaggered off angrily.

Emma was left sat on the bench, shattered, her world was in millions of little pieces around her.

Later that night, Jay sat in the cold, dark living room of his apartment reeling at the news Emma had delivered to him some four hours ago. He sort of knew deep down that Emma must be telling the truth. 1) She didn't seem like the type to sleep around AT ALL. 2) He knew she of all people wouldn't lie about something like that. And 3) well... Jay knew for a fact that night with Emma he didn't use a condom, and was very, very drunk. So, all things considered, it did seem a very plausible story. But he couldn't be a father. He wasn't ready for it, he was only 17.


	3. Not A Morning Person

Emma was devastated, and expected Jay would be too, but no. It was quite the opposite really. As the clock crept sneakily toward midnight, Jay had no plans to quieten down and start thinking about responsibility and being mature.

He sat on the sofa in his dark dingy house with Alex, her long legs stretched over his carelessly. He had one hand resting on her silky smooth leg and the other wrapped gently around her waist, coming to a stop on the small of her back. He made out with Alex to make himself forget his problems with Emma.

The more he thought about it, it made him feel sick. He was in way over his head. He pulled away from Alex suddenly and she looked at him in surprise. "Jay?" Alex echoed, smiling awkwardly in confusion.

"Sorry. Alex. It's not... I can't, right now." Jay stuttered sloppily.

"What?" Alex arched her eyebrows.

"Let's call it a night, OK?" Jay said lifting Alex's legs aside and jumping up uneasily. He walked towards his bedroom door. Alex jumped up off the sofa and followed him with a cheeky grin on her face.

"No, Alex. I meant alone." Jay pointed out. He put an arm across the doorway and blocked her out. "I'll see you at school."

"What?" Alex spat angrily. "You're ditching me?"

"Bye, Alex." Jay said turning wearily and falling forward onto his bed, letting the door slam in her face.

"You fucking idiot!" Alex called out as she stormed across the apartment, kicking the coffee table and headed out of the door leaving it wide open.

Jay volted angrily off his bed, ran across the room and slammed the door shut violently. He sank into the walls and let out a strangled, angry scream.

As the midnight hour approached in the Simpson-Nelson residence, Emma was wide-eyed too. She couldn't believe the situation she'd got herself into. It just wasn't like her. If anyone in Degrassi would get pregnant, it would be someone like Alex or Amy, girls who got around. No-one would ever think pretty little quiet Causegirl Emma would ever get knocked up. But these past couple of months had changed her. There were so many reminders of that fateful day of the shooting, like Jimmy wheeling around the halls of Degrassi every day at school. After seeing Rick die in Sean's arms, Emma's life had screwed up, and her way of coping with that was to go down to ravine and hook up with Jay. How it happened, she wasn't really sure, but it did, and now she regretted it so badly. She'd ruined her life, single handedly.

Emma lay awake in her bed, moonlight streaming in from the high window. She couldn't sleep, every time she closed her eyes she saw Jay's reaction burned into her line of vision.

The next day at school everyone carried on about their day as normal. Emma arrived on time, as usual, and took her place in homeroom next to Manny.

"Hey, Em." Manny greeted her friend brightly.

"Hi." Emma said glumly as she sat down.

"Woah, what happened to you? Why the long face?" Manny exclaimed as she noted Emma's tone of voice.

"Nothing." Emma waved a hand in front of her face and smiled reassuringly to her best friend. She looked nervously to her left and saw Jay saunter past the classroom window with his head down looking focused. "I'm just not a morning person at the minute."


	4. Secret Conversation

As the lunch time rolled around, Emma realized she could feel her guts about to make themselves known. She had to make her excuses with Manny and dash to the toilet. She barged through the bathroom and fell to the floor in a stall nearest the end of the row. It was horrendous. She threw up until she felt like she had nothing left inside her.

As she resurfaced, she heard two voices conversing by the sinks. She couldn't put a voice to a face, but she froze still as she heard them break the silence.

"Nelson purging again." One of them whispered, or rather 'said quietly'.

"Anorexic bitch." the other said bitterly.

Emma heard footsteps, then the door swing open then closed, and she was alone again. _It was better for people to think she was purging than it was for them to suspect she was pregnant, _Emma thought to herself. She pulled the flush on the toilet, turned and rested her weary body against the wall of the stall. She breathed heavily, but the sound of the door opening again made her stop and hold her breath.

"Emma?!" The voice sounded angry.

Emma got to her feet and strolled out of the stall trying to act nonchalant. "Hey, Manny. Sorry about that just then. I had to pee, like, so bad!" She lied.

"OK, whatever. Emma, what's going on?" Manny put a hand on her hip and looked serious.

"Nothing! Manny, I just needed to pee, seriously." Emma smiled. She stepped around Manny and made her way to the sinks to wash her hands.

Jay spent his lunch hour with Alex. He was still hung up on what Emma had said to him yesterday and he was still acting distant with Alex and she was noticing it, big time.

Alex was pissed. She sat on the hood of Jay's car, and he leaned against it in a similar fashion to her. She looked around angrily and saw Amy approaching. Suddenly, in a random act of jealousy, she reached over and draped her arm around Jay's shoulder and placed a kiss on his lips, catching him unawares.

"Alex, don't do that!" Jay leaned back and looked at Alex with a disgusted look.

"Jay, what the hell?" Alex exploded. "What the hell is wrong with you, why do you flinch every time I touch you? You're supposed to be my boyfriend!"

"Alex, calm it down!" Jay said grabbing hold of her arm. "I just don't want you hanging all over me all the time, OK?"

"It's never bothered you before." Alex pointed out. _Yeah, and he didn't know Emma was pregnant before. _"Look, I'm sorry, just... save it for the bedroom, OK?" He gave her a single kiss on the cheek and walked off, leaving Amy looking at Alex with arched eyebrows.

Emma and Manny sat awkwardly after the bathroom incident. Emma didn't dare eat anything else, and Manny sat nervously next to her eating a Hershey bar. As they sat, conversation was absorbed by the difficult atmosphere and they sat in silence. Emma felt she was going to go insane, until a feather light hand print on her back made her spin around.

She looked all around her but there was no-one there. She looked up and saw Jay stood there in the shadows, in all his dark and dreary glory.

"We need to talk." He whispered sincerely.

Emma spun around as if she was ignoring him, and made an excuse to Manny and jogged lightly up the steps of Degrassi. Moments later, Jay silently followed her and they snuck behind the wall of the school so they'd have some alone time.

"Jay?? What the hell?"

"Look, we have to talk about this whole thing."

"Yeah, well I tried yesterday but you just ran away – like a little girl."

"Stop it." Jay said firmly. "So is it true? You're sure?"

"Yes." Emma didn't sound totally sure.

"Really? Have you taken a test or what?"

"I definitely am, Jay. I'm five weeks late Jay and I've been throwing up recently."

"So you haven't actually done a test?" Jay asked in disbelief.

"No, not exactly." Emma admitted quietly.

"Well, we've gotta go to the store and get you a test."

"You can."

"Hey, this is as much you as it is me, Nelson." Jay pointed out truthfully.

"Fine, after school." Emma said. "But I don't need to, Jay. I know I'm pregnant." Emma said loudly.

"I'll pick you up at five." Jay offered.

Emma and Jay went their separate ways, but in their haste they didn't notice Manny stood in the shadows of the tall conifers. She'd witnessed every word of Jay and Emma's secret conversation.

Please R&R :) Thanks x


	5. Daggers

Next period was Media Immersion with Simpson. Emma felt a little better with the situation now that she'd had a chance to speak to Jay. It set her mind at rest a little more now. All she was missing was telling Manny about it.

"Hey, I was just thinking about you!" Emma greeted her friend brightly as she took her place behind the computer next to her.

"Huh?" Manny asked casually without looking.

"I wanna say sorry for being such a dork earlier, OK?" Emma said touching Manny's arm ever so lightly. "No more, I promise."

"Whatever, Em..." Manny logged onto her computer then turned to face Mr. Simpson at the front of the class.

* * *

"You're late." Emma complained to Jay as he swung up in front of her house at around twenty after five.

"Well that makes two of us, then." Jay made an unsavory joke.

"Jay." Emma warned looking up at him with skeptical eyes. "How are we gonna do this then? We can't risk being seen, can we?"

"It's not like anyone'll be especially watching us, is it?" Jay was nonchalant and seemed relaxed.

"Are you kidding me, Jay? It's the mall, there's always people from Degrassi there after school!" Emma protested.

Jay flashed a momentary look her way then averted his eyes back to the road. "Fine, I'll drive you to the next town over. But only 'cos I'm nice, OK?" **A/N: I'm not sure of the Geography of Canada as I'm English, so I didn't put an actual place name, I just put "the next town over." :) **

When they arrived, Jay, being the gentlemen as ever waited in the car, for Emma to go to the nearest pharmacy to purchase what she needed. What they needed.

Emma walked slowly through the door of the store. She looked around in bewilderment. She never thought in a million years that she'd ever be doing this, ever. There were five aisles. Emma walked up them all. Sun tan lotions, deodorants, vitamins and supplements, disposable cameras, condoms... how ironic. Right next to the condoms were three rows of pregnancy tests. Cheap ones, expensive ones. She had 20 of Jay's money, so she picked up a pack of two for 12.99.

"You have two?" Jay asked as Emma sat back down in the shotgun seat and whipped the box out of the bag.

"Yeah, I thought I'd take advantage of the tremendous offer." Emma shot back sarcastically.

"Whatever, Greenpeace. Where are you gonna do this _thing _then?_" _Jay asked motioning shortly to the box in Emma's hand.

"I don't know." Emma looked out the back window and to both sides of the vehicle.

"You're lucky I'm feeling so generous today." Jay said smirking. "I'll drive around to look for a public bathroom."

"Well, thanks." Emma sighed reluctantly.

* * *

The late afternoon sun beat down on Jay's face as he leaned casually against the wall of the toilets, waiting for the news he already knew was coming. He watched as a bikini clad redhead and her equally as stunning brunette friend walked past.

"Jay?" He heard Emma's high pitched call coming from inside the toilet.

"Uh, Em?" Jay faltered. The ladies sign was clearly plastered all over the door, he couldn't very well go in. "Can't you, uh... you know?"

The door opened a crack and Emma stood there looking much smaller than she did when Jay last saw her. "There ya go." She said simply handing the stick to Jay.

He held it carefully at the correct end and looked down at the screen in disbelief.

"One line for positive, two for negative, Jay." Emma said matter-of-factly.

"Fuck, Emma. There's only one line. You're pregnant." He gasped.

"What did I tell you, Jay?" Emma said calmly.

"How the hell are you acting so normally about this, Emma? This is like the biggest news ever, and you're acting like nothing happened!"

"Jay, I've had three months to get used to it!" Emma pointed out.

"Well, what are you gonna do? Abort it, right?" Jay said so casually.

Emma was taken aback. How could Jay be so calm and regular about such a taboo topic. They were talking about killing their own son or daughter, who already had hands and finger and feet and toes and a heart and everything. "Oh my God, Jay! How could you say that?"

"What?" Jay held up his hands. "It was good enough for Manny."

"Jay!" Emma slapped Jay's arm in disgust. "Don't talk about her like that, she's my best friend!"

"Have you told her about the spawn yet?"

"No." Emma admitted reluctantly.

"Ha, some best friend, then." Jay mocked.

"Shut it, Hogart." Emma was pissed now.

"Hey, easy Nelson. Remember I'm your lift home." Jay bribed Emma.

"Whatever. Lets go then." Emma discarded the test in the garbage, got her bag and walked back out into the sunshine.

"Hey, wash your hands, girl!" Jay taunted her jokingly.

"I did, asshole." Emma shot back with a look of daggers at Jay.


	6. Parallel Worlds Manny's POV

**Manny's POV - written in first person. Sorry it's short! :)**

I can't believe Emma has kept something this big from me. We've been friends since, like _forever. _To be honest, I'm just glad she was in the right place in the right time to overhear Emma and Jay conversation. And that was another thing! Jay Hogart?? Where in the world did Emma get the inspiration for that hook up? Of all the boys at Degrassi, she chose nasty, bullying, serial cheating thief Jay? What about all the nice boys? The desirable ones? JT, well he had Liberty now – no-one saw that one coming. Or there was... Toby? Manny felt skeptical even thinking it. Wait... after JT and Toby there weren't really any others. Marco? Gay. Spinner? Well... he was pretty much a no go area now. Sean, back in Wasaga. Jimmy? Well apart from having his legs caput-ed (A/N: spelling?) by Rick, he had Hazel. Last of all... Craig? Don't even go there. I know all too well about that. Ughh, he's such a jerk.

No matter how many times you analyze it, it still doesn't make sense. I mean, its Jay and Emma, for God sake!

Parallel world, much?

* * *

**OK, so sorry that chapter was so short. I'll update again tomorrow hopefully. Just a quick note to say after much confusion and chopping and changing I finally settled on the background history surrounding the sotry, regarding the shooting and the gonnorhea outbreak and whether or not I'd have them occur in my story. Basically, the shooting did happen, as I've included it in the story already so I can't very well change it now, and it'll work quite well I think. But think of Emma's pregnancy as a replacement for the gonorrhea problem. Hope you liked it. And there will be more next time, I swear!**

**Nuff Luff x x x x **

**R&R Please, I love getting reviews - gives me incentive to write more.**

**Oh and obviously - disclaimer - I Don't anything Degrassi - unfortunatley.**


	7. REUPLOAD: Too Good To Be True

**This is a re-upload of the original chapter 6. Sorry to upload it again but I missed a chunk out, rendering the story most confusing. Thanks for the patience, and reviews! x x x x**

Tuesday morning rolled around soon enough, and Emma didn't make it to Degrassi until 9am **(I think the school day there usually starts at 8.30am, I'm not sure though, so apologies). **First period was English with Kwan. Great. As she crept into the class late, she mumbled some form of an apology to Ms. Kwan and took her place in the class between JT and Manny. As she sat down, she felt like she'd just sat down in an ice box in the South Pole, whilst eating ice cream, stood next to an open refrigerator. On one side she had the sickeningly sweet lovebirds JT and Liberty acting like they were the only two in the room, and on the other was Manny with a cold, hard stare fixed on her pretty face.

"Manny?" Emma asked cautiously. _Oh crap, she knows!_ No, she couldn't do. No-one did. Except her and... Jay. Jay?? No, it wasn't worth it. "What's wrong?" She continued slowly.

"Em." Manny said shortly. She didn't even look up from her tattered novel she was reading.

"Emma, do not turn up late to my class then start talking to Manny." Ms Kwan called over from where she was stood at the back of the classroom.

"Yes Ms Kwan." Emma said, retrieving her book from her bag.

Sneakily, Manny watched Emma out of the corner of her eye. She was good at that, getting away with murder. Emma didn't notice her doing it, but Manny had Emma under surveillance for a good ten minutes. Unfortunately for Manny, there was no way possible for an outsider who didn't know to guess that Emma was pregnant. She still looked the same, she had no bump, her ankles weren't even swollen. But undoubtedly, it was morning sickness making her late for school.

Jay managed to avoid direct contact with Emma all day, but that wasn't to say that Emma didn't have to endure Jay and Alex making out and such like all over the place at lunch. Jay was looking to continue life as normal for as long as he could before the ramifications of his fumble with Emma became noticeable. Alex was none the wiser and luckily, nobody else but him knew his new status of 'Baby Daddy To Be'. Or so he thought...

Jay's attitude to his impending fatherhood was scarily casual and blasé. Emma noticed it immediately and all she wanted to was march up to him, slap him across the face and tell him to get his act together.

Lunchtime, and Manny was acting like she didn't know anything to keep Emma sweet. They sat together at the benches, along with Toby.

"So, Em... What's your thoughts on a party at the weekend?" Manny questioned, knowing full well Emma was in no state to be partying.

"Uh... gee, Manny I dunno." Emma dodged the question. "We'll see, yeah?"

"Sure. OK." Manny replied looking at her best friend in disgust.

"Toby!" Emma said a little too enthusiastically. "Any plans for the weekend?" She was desperate to change the subject.

"Uh, no not really." Toby answered flatly. Toby was still down in the mouth about Rick, and so he should be. Toby and Rick had got close while JT was off with Liberty, and to have his new best friend snatched away from him so cruelly was something it'd take a while to get over.

"Well, we'll see nearer the end of the week." Manny reasoned.

"Uh, I'm gonna go to M.I. I've got so much still to do."

"OK, see ya Tobes." Manny smiled and Emma waved awkwardly.

Manny, who was sat next opposite Emma noticed as she tried to discretely put a hand over her stomach. She had been looking for the perfect opportunity to confront Emma, and it seemed as if that perfect moment had just presented itself.

"Emma, what's going on?" Manny demanded, raising her voice a little. She started Emma slightly, who's hands flew up around her mouth nervously.

"What are you talking about?" Emma asked, trying to act natural, but her cheeks pricked rosy pink and her voice wavered as she spoke. Her eyes looked panicked and suddenly Manny changed her mind. She may have been pissed that Emma was holding things back from her, but she was still her friend and she didn't want to have a big fight right in the middle of Degrassi.

"When did it all go wrong?" Manny asked instead. "Toby's so lonely without Rick."

"Rick paralyzed Jimmy, Manny! He was a monster." Emma protested, relived she'd got away with it for at least one more afternoon.

When the bell for home finally rang at 3pm, Emma was more than a little relieved.

**She was dying to get away from school for the evening and away from the paranoia that was Manny and her frequent accusing looks. As she was heading down the steps of the front of school, she saw Jay and three of his friends walking around like they owned the place.**

**Jay noticed her almost straight away, and glared at her evilly. (A/N: Missed out that bit in the original)**

"Oh, hey it's Daddy Cool." Emma said cuttingly. Jay flashed a startled look at her and looked up to Alex who was only two or three steps ahead of him. But she just carried on walking with Amy, deep in conversation about something trivial and uninteresting.

"Emma are you stupid?" Jay hissed at her, grabbing her forearm to stop her venturing anywhere nearer to his girlfriend.

"So are you just gonna carry on acting like nothings happened, Jay?" Emma asked accusingly.

Jay looked back over to Alex then to Emma and back to Alex. "Get out of my face, Greenpeace." He said not looking back.

Things had gone a little too smoothly that day. Things had to be too good to be true, right?

**Well thats the end of another chapter. Hope you enjoyed it.**

**Please R&R, it gives me more incentive to write! All comments (within reason) appreciated!**

**Nuff Luff x x x x **

**Oh and DISCLAIMER: I own nothing Degrassi! **


	8. Washing Dirty Laundry In Public

**Hopefully this chapter will be pivotal to the story and really get the ball rolling to set up the backbone of the story and make things progress nicely.**

**Thanks for all the reviews, despite the boo-boo with the last chapter. I just happened to be reading it back just now and realized I'd missed out a big chunk, so I re-uploaded with a small difference.**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing Degrassi – unfortunately!**

**I've just had a sudden burst of "writers un-block" so to speak, so I think I did quite well with this chapter. Its my favourite so far!**

Manny cursed herself for backing down from confronting Emma that afternoon at lunch. She wanted to face up to Emma and get the God-awful truth out of her, but there was something stopping her. Manny would've thought that Emma would have came to her first; after all Manny was the only one who knew exactly what Emma was going through. She'd been there, done that just last year with Craig.

When she'd gone to ask her about it today she'd suddenly lost all her confidence and started rambling about Rick and Toby, as if she actually cared about Rick. She didn't. What he'd done to Jimmy was inexcusable and he deserved no sympathy. She told herself that she'd ask her about it the very next day.

* * *

It actually took Manny a further three days, up til Friday to confront Emma. But when she did, she did it in spectacular fashion. It was between the two last lessons of the day, Armstrong's Advanced Calculus and Chemistry with Mr. Monaghan (Made him up, its an Irish name! :). ). Manny was fed up with her friend holding back the truth from her and she'd decided that her not-too-discreet meetings with Jay were becoming too laughable and obvious to be kept hidden.

"Emma Nelson, do you think I'm stupid?" Manny started off in a pretty neutral tone of voice. She raised her eyebrows at her blonde friend who stood before her rooting around in her locker for a book.

Emma turned from searching her locker and looked at Manny in surprise. "Manuela Santos, I do not think you're stupid." She said, thinking this would be a light hearted affair.

"I need to ask you something about-"

"About the crappy calculus homework, right? I know, God..."

"No, Emma. Not calculus. Something much bigger than calculus."

"What is it Manny? Whats happened?"

"Oh, I think you know. Its me thats been kept in the dark." Manny's voice got louder and more pissed off as she carried on talking.

"What are you talking about?" Emma's voice shot up a few decibels in panic. She knew what was coming next.

"Don't play dumb with me, Emma! When the hell did you plan on telling me you were pregnant?" Manny demanded to her friend.

"Manny!" Emma shrieked. She looked around in panic and threw Manny a stony glare. "Shut up!" She hissed.

"No, Emma!" Manny screamed. "I'm supposed to be your best friend and you kept something like this from me!" Manny was so, so pissed. The look in her eye told Emma that.

"I was going to tell you, I swear. I just had to get used to it myself!" Emma protested hopelessly. It was too late for that now. She tucked a strand of her wavy blonde hair behind her ear and looked around, shifting her eyes over both of Manny's shoulders, cringing at the crowds all around them that had gathered to hear this juicy gossip.

"Bullshit!" Manny scoffed back in her face.

"Manny, please keep your voice down!" It was also a little late for that.

"No, Emma, it's too late now, everyone knows now!" Manny said, her voice dripped maliciously with hate and spite.

"Manny, how could you?" Emma whispered, her voice cracking as tears expelled themselves uncontrollably from her round, brown eyes.

"What's going on?" Jay approached casually and asked Alex to fill him in on the proceedings he'd missed.

"Greenpeace is pregnant, Manny's pissed at her or something..." Alex vaguely explained. She had her sunglasses on top of her head and was smiling with satisfaction as she watched the brawl unfold.

"What? She's... sh-, what?" _Busted! _Jay was thrown by this revelation.

"She's knocked up. Who'd have thought it?" Alex mocked loudly.

This interruption caused Manny to spin around and look. The crowd expected her to (foolishly) go over and start on Alex too, but she didn't. In fact, she let out a laugh. A weird laugh.

"And here he is!" She held out a hand towards Jay who was nervously tugging on his hat. Manny pivoted back to Emma. "He's here, Emma!" She twisted back round to face Jay and smiled oddly. "It's Big Daddy! Emma and Jay, everybody! Who's the slut now?"

Alex turned her head slowly to face her infamous ex-boyfriend. "You? You did this?" She asked stunned, not knowing quite what to make of this new revelation. She was busy soaking up the fact that little environment-geek Emma Nelson was pregnant, now she had to take in the fact that Jay was the spawn's father.

Jay looked to Alex, then Manny and finally to Emma who was sunken in against the lockers looking devastated. "Yeah..." Jay admitted quietly.

"Well, congratulations, I hope you're very happy together." Manny said, bringing the meeting to a close.

"Girls, what on earth is going on here?" Ms. Hatzilakos appeared out of nowhere. "I cannot believe what I just heard!"

"Ms. H-"

"I've heard enough Jason! You, Emma, Manny, my office - now!"

Manny didn't realize the aftermath of her brawl with Emma until after she finished screaming at her. Suddenly, she regretted running her mouth, when she realized that now the whole school knew all Emma's most private business, and there was no going back. Manny thought back to last year when thanks to Ashley her own pregnancy was revealed in the bustling cafeteria. That was one of the worst moments in her whole life. She'd wanted the ground to open up and swallow her up. Now she'd put her supposed "BFF" in the exact same position and she felt terrible.

"Oh my Gosh, Emma, I'm so sorry!" Manny squealed clamping both of her hands around her face. She looked and felt like she was going to burst into tears.

"Manny, I can't believe you!" Emma whimpered through her sobs. "You've ruined my life!"

Jay, Manny and Emma all made there way to Ms. Hatzilakos' office, each with there own stories mapped out in their heads. Ultimately, though, there was no point in lying. It would just come back to bite them on the ass.

* * *

**Well thats the end of this chapter. It was fun to write, I had so much inspiration. I hope I handled the characters realistically enough.**

**Look out for another chapter hopefully soon.**

**Please R&R, I love getting reviews and I try and make sure I reply to them all. It gives me incentive to right more when I know its appreciated. Thanks y'all!**

**Nuff Luff x x x x **


	9. Consequences

**Thanks for the great reviews, keep 'em coming!**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything Degrassi.**

**FLASHBACK**

**Flashbacks are in italic font.**

"_Don't turn away from me!" Rick growled. Emma jumped at the tone of his voice. _Thinking back to the fateful day Rick shot Jimmy, Emma shuddered. She was lying on, not in, her bed listening to the slow and steady beat of raindrops falling above her. She couldn't sleep. Memories of the shooting were replaying over and over in her mind. It had never got to her as much as it was doing now. The whole thing just kept going over and over in her brain, never ceasing.

_She stood in absolute numb shock as Sean tried to reason with Rick. She wanted to, needed to reach out and help Sean. She couldn't lose him. But Rick was a psychopath, he had a loaded gun and he'd already gunned down Jimmy, who knew what he'd do next. She and Toby stood side by side, frightened that moving just a fraction of a millimeter would trigger Rick's anger even more._

_As Sean tried to talk Rick down from his spree, Emma could feel her heart drumming out of her chest. Sean was trying to remain calm, but he so aware of Toby and Emma stood behind him, he would never forgive himself if something happened to either of them._

_Sean tried to convince Rick it wasn't too late to turn things around, but he was adamant. He lifted the gun and Emma looked up in horror and realized she was staring down the barrel of Rick's gun. _It would never leave her, that image. The feeling of having that gun pointed at her was more daunting than anything she'd ever had to go through. _Within seconds it was over. Sean grabbed Rick's arm, throwing his aim off target and the deafening sound of the second gunshot echoed around the school halls._

It was sickening. For the first five minutes, Emma thought Sean was dead. Her whole world cam crashing down. But he wasn't. Rick was. And Emma didn't know how to feel about that.

**END OF FIRST FLASHBACK.**

Emma finally slipped under the duvet at 02.08am. She had goosebumps all up her arms but she wasn't tired, nor thinking about falling asleep. Her mind was too busy reminding her of the shooting, Heaven forbid she forget a detail. As she lay, submerged in darkness, the sound of the rain her only companion, she swore she could see phantom shapes forming themselves in the darkness. Shadows and silhouettes morphed to play tricks on her brain. She lay for a few minutes, and memories of Rick and Sean and the shooting began replacing themselves with the memories of that afternoon at school in Ms. Hatzilakos' office.

_She, Jay and Manny were all seen by Ms. Hatzilakos at the same time. Jay sat in the middle, with ashamed Manny on his left and sobbing Emma to his right._

"_Miss Santos, would you care to explain what on Earth that display in the corridor was all about?" Ms. Hatzilakos asked leaning forward looking angry._

"_I'm sorry Ms. H. I really am. I'm sorry Em, Jay." Manny said leaning over to Emma, whom turned away from her coldly._

"_What did you think you were doing carrying on it that way?"_

"_I wasn't thinking, Ms. H! Thats the whole point!"_

_Ms. H paused for a few moments, before continuing. "Manny, might I speak with Jason and Emma for a moment? Wait outside, this is not over."_

_Manny reluctantly stood up and skulked out of the room. She turned to look back at Jay and Emma as she exited the room, but neither of them would make eye contact with her._

"_So... Mr Hogart. Your story, please?"_

Jay had skipped a lot of the story and danced around the truth. But Emma didn't feel much like spilling the beans either.

"_This is very, very serious." Ms Hatzilakos shouted clearly. "Emma's I'd highly recommend a meeting with Ms. Sauve. She can talk you through your options, both of you." She looked sympathetically at Emma but sternly and judgmentally at Jay, who picked up on it straight away._

"_Woah, Ms. H, what the hell was that look for?" He hollered, lunging forward in aggression._

"_Mr. Hogart, keep your voice down or you'll be escorted from the premises."_

"_Do it!" Jay challenged stupidly. "You let Manny off Scott-free, you're sympathetic with her-" he jerked his head towards Emma. "But me, you accuse of being some big pervert!" Jay rambled._

"_Jason, I'm warning you. One more outburst and you'll be excluded."_

"_You can't exclude me for that!" Jay protested angrily._

"_Watch me." Ms. H said. She picked up her phone and dialled front office. "Hi, I've got Jay Hogart here with me. Please could you come up and get him, he's excluded for a month."_

"_Ms. H, no!" Emma gasped as she heard Jay's fate. "It's not his fault!"_

"_Yeah, listen to her, Ms. H!" Jay shouted, angrily getting up from his chair._

"_Both of you be quiet! Mr. Hogart, security are on there way up here to collect you."_

**END OF SECOND FLASHBACK**

Emma's life was a mess. After Jay was escorted away, Ms. Hatzilakos kept her in her office for a further fifteen minutes of interrogation. What it all boiled down to was: Jay was gone and would be for a month. She had a meeting with Ms. Sauve scheduled for during lunch on Monday, but she was still to make up with Manny. Maybe she shouldn't bother. After all, it was her who ruined her life by exposing her and Jay's biggest secret.

Now she came to think about it, Emma had barely spoken with Jay about the baby. She hadn't really weighed up her options in her own head, let alone talked to anyone else about it. Luckily, Ms. H hadn't told Snake about it, but she knew that it was up to her to do it. After she'd seen Sauve.

**Well thats the end of another chapter. Hope you enjoyed it and it wasn't too confusing.**

**Please R&R, it gives me so much incentive to write, and I LURVE LURVE LURVE getting reviews! Thanks again.**

**Nuff Luff x x x x **


	10. Harsh Realities

**Thanks for the reviews!**

* * *

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing Degrassi...**

* * *

Turns out, Emma's plan to keep her pregnancy a secret from Snake needed a bit more thinking out. The whole school knew about it now, and homeroom on Monday would be a bit tough. So, as tough as it was for her to tell him, Emma had to.

Sunday evening was when she did it. Her mom was out picking up Jack from a birthday party across town and Emma knew she'd have at least an hour and a half alone with Snake.

She tiptoed down stairs as she heard her mom's car pull out the driveway. She wore a huge college sweater, sweatpants and socks, but she still felt cold. "Snake?" She found him sat at the kitchen table in front of his laptop.

"Oh, hey Em." He greeted her kindly.

"Can I..." Emma's voice came out as barely more than a whisper. She coughed feebly and tried again. "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Sure, what's up?" Snake asked, closing his laptop so his attention was fully focused.

Emma found a mark in the wood of the table and fixed her brown eyes upon it. She couldn't look Snake in the eye. "I can't tell mom. Not yet." She started.

"Emma? What's up?" Snake was concerned.

"You'll hear all about it in homeroom on Monday. But... I- it's... I don't know how to say this."

"Em, you're worrying me now, spit it out, please!" Snake demanded grabbing old of her hand supportively. "Whatever it is, we'll work it out."

Tears welled up in Emma's eyes. She took a very deep breath and slowly looked up at Snake. "I'm pregnant." She said in a tiny, tiny mouse-like voice.

"Woah!" Snake gasped and spoke in unison. He looked at her in disbelief and studied her shattered face carefully. "Are you sure?" He finally managed to utter.

"Yeah. We took a test."

"Who's we?" Snake asked immediately.

"Me and..." Emma was reluctant. "Jay."

"Jay being Jason Hogart?"

Emma nodded slowly. "Please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad, Em." Snake said slowly. "How your mom'll take it is another story."

* * *

When Spike got back in with Jack she was too busy telling Snake this long story about this thing that happened on the way back from getting Jack to really notice anything was up.

Emma was down in her room when she got home and except for coming down for about a minute to say goodnight, Emma was left alone all night.

* * *

Monday morning back at Degrassi was so not what Emma needed right now. People were gossiping about her as soon as she walked through the door. She'd received twelve messages over IM at the weekend calling her slut and ho. And now that he'd opened his big mouth and not known when to shut it, she didn't even have macho Jay to back her up.

It was tough enough being pregnant, let alone having to worry about what people thought about her or having to constantly listen out for her name cropping up in conversation.

During homeroom, Mr. Simpson took attendance as usual. When he got to Emma's name, it fell silent. As she quickly announced she was there, someone snickered and the rest of the room dissolved into laughter too.

"Silence!" Snake bellowed. The laughter died out almost immediately and he continued with attendance.

Any other time, any normal time, Emma would've been relieved to be rid of Jay at school. But now, she felt new feeling creeping up on her. Could it be she actually missed Jay and wanted him to be here with her? They'd only been close once. And even then it wasn't as if they were close. Sure they were close in that sense, but they didn't connect or anything like that.

She leaned against her locker, realizing she had no where to go. No-one was here for her. She stood for a while, before reality came knocking at her metaphorical door. It was lunch, Ms Sauve was waiting!

Emma walked back and forth in front of Sauve's door at least eight times each way before she plucked up the courage to open the door and let herself in. She held her head high and grabbed hold of the handle. She rattled it noisily, not realizing _quite _how nervous she was. She pushed the door and stepped under the threshold just to step right back out and slam the door in disgust.

She fell back against the wall and clenched her eyes shut.

"Emma?" Ms. Sauve's syrupy sweet voice bought her back into the room.

Emma slowly opened one eye and looked over at Ms. Sauve. Then she opened the second and turned and looked at her with an exasperated look.

**Well theres another new chapter! I tried a cliff hanger ending I hope thats clear to you guys!**

**Please R&R, I Love Reviews!**

**Nuff Luff x x x x**


	11. I Want You Back

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything Degrassi.**

"Emma, this is serious. I know I should've waited for your consent, but this is more than just a little scrap or..."

"What happened to confidentiality, eh?" Emma spat angrily. She couldn't believe Sauve had bought her _mom_ here.

"Emma, please, just come in and talk to me, please?" Spike bobbed around the corner and spoke up to her daughter.

Emma was now torn. She saw in her mom's eye she was sympathetic, and she didn't think she'd get into _too _much trouble, but she was mad at Sauve for spilling the beans without even speaking with Emma first. "Mom!" Emma wailed, wanting to go to her but still wanting to remain strong and show Sauve she was angry. "I would've told you myself!"

"But when Emma? I had to hear this from Archie."

"He said he wouldn't tell!" It was all coming out now. She could trust no-one; not Manny, Snake, Sauve, no-one.

"Emma, it's for the best that I know. I've been here before, and it's not a nice place to be, especially when you bottle it up and try and cope on your own. I can help you."

"But that's not the point, mom!" Emma tried to get her mom to see. "I've had my business splashed around the school and it's humiliating. I wanna take it all back! But I can't..."

Spike's heart was breaking as she watched her daughter break down in such a fragile state. She was headed on the same route that she took some seventeen years ago, and she didn't want that fate for her little girl. Cos that's what she still was to Spike; her little girl.

--

Jay walked around with his head down all day. He got up and was around and about by 7 am. He didn't even need to be at school, but he got up as soon as he awoke, not even needing the aid of his alarm. As he stood in the kitchen aimlessly eating a cold Pop-Tart he heard his 7.25 am blaring in his room. He neglected to turn it off, choosing to let it sound until it wore itself out.

He went out for a drive at lunch time, with the intention of going nowhere. He drove around not really looking where he was going.

He came to a halt at traffic lights and sat there waiting for what felt like the longest two minutes of his life. He needed to get out, but he had no escape.

"Jay, man?" He heard a familiar voice break the silence. He looked around in surprise to find Sean knelt down at his car window with the biggest of grins on his face.

"Sean?" Jay uttered in disbelief. He shut off the engine, swung out of the car and embraced Sean in that weird, manly, macho man way that guys did. "What's been up, man?"

"Not much, I'm just back to get some stuff from Degrassi." Sean explained. Sean looked way different than he had four months ago when he left Degrassi for Wasaga Beach. His hair was longer and curly now, and he was tougher and more muscular than he had been. He'd ditched the dirty hoodie and wife-beater look for a sharp polo shirt and jeans.

"Are you back for good?" Jay had to verify, given his new situation with Emma.

"No, no. Wasaga's home now. I just need term papers and shit from Hatzilakos to take back." Sean continued. "So what's new with you, man?"

_Ha!_ Jay thought to himself. He couldn't tell him one thing without having to explain it all. "Same shit, different day." Jay settled upon that response. It was short, to the point and required no further explanation. And Sean bought it.

"Cool, man. I suppose... Hey, what's Emma doing these days?"

_More like **who** is she doing. _Jay thought to himself. "Greenpeace? Oh, I dunno." Jay lied. He knew full well. But he wasn't about to go and tell Sean. Sean said himself that he wasn't staying around for anything, he was back off to Wasaga after he'd been to school, so there was no point in putting his own ass on the line to come clean to his best friend and pray for the best.

"Hey, man, what are you doin' driving around at one in the afternoon? What about school?"

"Uh, I'm suspended." Jay said shortly. "Trashed a classroom." He added a lie to cover himself on the end.

"There's the Jay we know!" Sean exclaimed smiling broadly. He playfully punched Jay on the arm and Jay smiled weakly. "Listen, man. You couldn't give me a ride. To the front steps could you?"

Jay was reluctant but half smiled. "Sure, man."

--

Jay left Sean on the steps of Degrassi and drove off hastily. He didn't want to stick around and see Sean any longer than he had to. It felt weird being around him. For the whole of the fifteen minute journey over to Degrassi, all Sean chatted about was Emma; he wouldn't shut up. With every word Sean spoke, Jay could feel himself getting more and more anxious. The more Sean spoke of Emma the more Jay thought of her and the baby he felt himself wanting to scream out at Sean, but of course he couldn't do that.

Jay didn't get far before he had to come hurtling to another halt. Stood on the side of the road looking beautiful as ever was Alex. He didn't realize quite how much he missed her sometimes. He was so lucky to have had her, even though he treated her like shit, cheating on her, shouting and swearing at her, due to the drink and drugs. He slowed right down and wound the window away to speak to her. "Nuñez!" He announced. Alex looked up. She sat on the bench – the same one that Emma told Jay she was pregnant on – with her long legs outstretched, wearing a turquoise hoodie, jeans and Ugg boots. "In need of company?" He cut the engine off and hung his head out the window.

"From the now famous Jason Hogart?" Alex asked arching her eyebrows. "Sure." She pushed her sunglasses to the top of her head and smiled at Jay calmingly. "What's up, Jay?"

"I'm so bored!" Jay complained. "I've been up since before seven! And I don't even need to be at school."

"Typical." Alex commented. She was never really one with the words while she was dating Jay, and nothing there had changed.

"Guess what?" Jay said.

"You and Greenpeace have picked a boy name _and_ a girl name already?" Alex asked sarcastically.

"No. Alex, don't even go there. Besides, I wouldn't get a say. Emma's not involving me. But, anyways, guess who I just spoke to?"

"Lucifer?"

"Cut the sarcastic crap, Nuñez." Jay said firmly.

"Your such a gentleman, I can't imagine for the life of me why Emma doesn't want you involved with the kid." Alex shot back.

"Sean's back."

"What? Did you tell him about getting Greenpeace preggo?" Alex asked, in all seriousness.

"No, are you nuts?" Jay exclaimed laughing. "He'd probably eat me alive, he's like a tanker now. Must be all those new kids he's been deafening."

"In one ear, Jay." Alex added, mocking Sean's old technique of adding that on the end of every sentence.

Jay laughed at Alex and it hit him like a speeding train how badly he missed Alex. He wanted her back. If Emma didn't want him, he'd have Alex back.

**Well, theres a new chapter. Sorry for the delay, my computer broke.**

**Please R&R I Love getting reviews it gives me so much incentive to write.**

**The next chapter will be hopefully beta'd (??) by KagSanlover before its submitted so it'll be a trillion times better.**

**Nuff Luff x x x x **


	12. If I Hide From It

**DISCLAIMER: Obviously I own nothing Degrassi. Boo, that sucks!**

* * *

Going home was awkward. Emma walked through the corridors like a loner. No-one spoke to her, just about her. She carried her books over her stomach like it made her invisible, made her problems melt away. But, no such luck.

At home she went straight to her room and bolted the door at the top of the stairs so she could be alone to wallow in her own self-pity. She didn't to speak to her mom, she felt betrayed by Sauve and she felt let down by Jay. He'd gone and got himself suspended when she needed him to be there for her the most, and help her out. He couldn't do that now he was suspended; he'd be out every night getting wasted, sleeping with every girl that passed him by.

Emma had to pinch herself to remember that this really was happening, it wasn't some nightmare conjured up in her overactive brain as she slept. In less than six months she'd have a baby, a direct result of a one night stand with Jay. This baby would be half hers and half his. Her little reminder of Jay, whenever she looked down at the baby, she'd see him. Be reminded of his smug little face and cheating ass.

A text message came through from Manny at about 9 0'clock, but Emma deleted instantly before even reading it. She had no time for this girl anymore, her supposed best friend. She lay back on her bed and placed two hands on her stomach. There was no evidence yet to suggest she was with child, yet everyone knew. She'd pictured being able to keep it a secret until she'd figured out in her head what she was going to do. As she slowly began to fall asleep, she felt a light flutter in her stomach. She passed it off as nothing, and fell asleep with thoughts of Jay weighing heavy on her mind.

* * *

Jay Hogart was a man on a mission now. He was determined to get Alex back, and whatever it takes, he'd do it.

Jay called Alex and waited on tenterhooks () for her to answer.

"Jay, what do you want?"

"Oh, real nice." Jay said bluntly. "Come over."

"Why?"

"I'm bored. I've got an eighth of weed that we need to see to." Jay tried to tempt Alex with drugs. Not the best way, but it seemed to work, because half an hour later, she was sat on the coach next to Jay inhaling some of the good stuff. Jay looked discretely at her out of the corner of his eye. She was so damn beautiful, her Mediterranean looks, the fact that she was basically the female equivalent of him, they got on like a house on fire, but when they were together they just didn't mesh well. It'd be different this time though. Jay would make sure of this.

"Alex?" Jay turned and looked at her. His bloodshot blue eyes were barely usable. "What the hell happened?"

"You turned into a big frigid bitch and dumped me. Then I realized it was 'cos you were busy knocking up Greenpeace. Who the fuck woulda thought o' that? The enviro-nerd and my bad guy boyfriend?"

"Ex-boyfriend." Jay was unsure why he pointed that out. He mentally scolded himself for his stupidity.

"Sure, whatever." Alex said softly. Neither of them realized how close their heads were to each other. Without giving it a second thought Jay ducked his head forward and kissed Alex, who was taken aback. She leaned back and looked at Jay skeptically but let him lay into her for another kiss. Alex sank into the comfortable contours of the sofa, and felt the weight of Jay's lean, muscular body against hers. He was a great kisser, even while stoned. This bought back memories of happier times for Alex, but every time she tried to think of getting back with Jay, she remembered he'd soon be a dad.

Alex felt Jay's hands drop to the zipper of her jeans and she had to bring things to a halt before they got out of control. "Jay, stop." Alex said turning her face away from his and grabbing his hands firmly but trying to remain kind, so he'd remain calm. "We can't... it won't work."

"Come on, Alex. You can't drive all the way there, just to turn back at the last minute."

"Interesting metaphor, Shakespeare." Alex quipped.

"Moment killer, Alex." Jay pointed out awkwardly as he rolled over and sat back in the seat feeling more than a bit put out. Shot down in the prime of life.

"Jay, think about it. You're having a baby."

Jay had never heard it be put so bluntly before. "Holy shit. I can't handle that." He gasped anxiously. "I can't be a dad, I'm seventeen fucking years old. How can I look after someone, I can't even look after myself." Jay threw a hand to his unshaved face, then waved it around the untidy apartment. It had been a day and it looked like a bomb had hit it. "Shit, Alex. I need out of this. She can't have this baby, I'm not ready."

"It's not just about you, Jay. It's up to her, to Emma." She said reluctantly. "It's her choice, I'm sorry."

"I can't do this! You know me better than anyone, can't you see?" Jay wailed hopelessly.

"I don't know, Jay. But what I do know is that you gotta talk to Greenpeace. You gotta know what's going on in your life, it's your shit. Your neck on the line, when Simpson and her mom find out it's gonna be your balls they wanna rip off, OK? Talk to Emma."

Jay grabbed the phone and started dialing. Alex reached over quickly and snatched it out of his hand. "You can't ring at eleven at night, you'll scare the shit outta her."

"Yeah. You're right." Jay was almost robotic, child like now. He shuffled forward in his seat and grabbed the joint out of the ashtray. He ran the lighter flame across the ash then slipped it between his lips carefully. He dragged on it hard and the cherry at the end glowed in the darkness that surrounded Alex and Jay.

"I'm gonna go." Alex said quietly. She left Jay with a kiss on the cheek and that was it. That left Jay to wallow in what was going on and what that meant for him now things were changing.

* * *

The next day was a little more positive for Miss Emma Nelson. At school, she wasn't greeted by people talking about her. At least not everyone. On her way to homeroom, she was stopped in the hallway by a girl in ninth grade she didn't even know. "Hi, Emma? I just wanted to say congrats, despite everything, I think it's so brave what your doing."

Emma was unsure if this was genuine kindness, or whether this girl was secretly laughing at this prank with her friends, but either way, she was more than a little relieved that she hadn't made an enemy of _everyone _at Degrassi.

"OK, Emma, hurry in, OK your late." Snake said almost solemnly as she walked into homeroom mere moments late.

"Emma seems to be having problems with lateness at the minute." Someone shouted out loudly as she took her place. Simpson ignored this and proceeded to call attendance.

Manny scooted over on her wheelie chair so she was as far from Emma as she could be. _What does this mean?_ Emma wondered to herself. Either Manny hated her or she was sorry but had no way of showing that.

A knock on the door disrupted the class once again, and Emma grimaced in her seat as she saw Sauve appear. She exchanged a quick babble with Simpson, then Emma found herself trudging back out the way she had just came.

"Emma, I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now, but I've got some good news for you."

"No news is good news." Emma said flatly.

Ms Sauve's eyes flickered and she looked struck down, but she soldiered on. "You've got an appointment with Dr. Stone at the clinic in Toronto tomorrow. Nine am sharp. You can find out where you stand."

"I know what's going on. I don't need some doctor telling me stuff I already know, OK?" Emma was being difficult on purpose. She wasn't going to let Sauve walk all over her after she'd betrayed her confidence like that.

"It's your decision, Emma. But we're talking about a life here. What's it gonna be? Moral high ground or an easy escape?" Sauve practically issued Emma with an ultimatum. "Don't let me regret having faith in you, OK?"

Maybe that would be the jolt Emma needed to get her act together and start planning what was going to happen in six months when she and Jay were parents.

* * *

**A/N:**

**() - not sure if people will get that bit (tenterhooks basically means waiting nervously for an answer or response.)**

**Well theres one more chapter for y'all. This one was beta'd by KagSanlover, yay! lol Thanku!!**

**Please R&R, I love reviews as u will all know by know I'm sure!**

**Nuff Luff x x x x**


	13. With Or Without You

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing Degrassi of course.**

**Gonna get things progressing bit quicker now, the story was stalling a bit.**

**I'm quite proud of this chapter! :) x**

* * *

Three days passed and school was no different for Emma. She gotten used to the low tones of chatter about her in the corridors, and the cold shoulder she received from Manny and the "concerned" glances she was shot from Sauve. She went to the clinic, despite her reservations, and when she walked out of the door after a half an hour appointment, she was none the wiser really. The doctor had, given dates of her last period and such like, worked out that she was indeed seventeen weeks pregnant. They discussed her options, and came to the conclusion that she was keeping the child. Emma hated to admit it, but she was pushed into that decision by her mom. But Emma decided to remain silent and pretty much let her mom talk for her.

* * *

She'd accepted in her own mind that she was keeping the baby, now she had to inform Jay of a few home truths. That was easier said than done.

Jay was hard to find now he was out of school for so long. He had stuck to the a bit of getting up early and he sneaked off to "the second ravine" in the morning and spent practically the whole the day there. "The second ravine" wasn't like the ravine, in fact it wasn't even a ravine, but Jay was passed caring. He'd missed his chance with Alex; if he'd have known he'd find himself falling for her all over again, then he'd never have treated her like the shit he did when he was with her. Hindsight really was a wonderful thing. Or was it?

"Buddy, pass me a tin." Jay said to his new best friend Mickey. He was his replacement for Sean, who Jay would be happy if he never saw again. Being around him was like walking on eggshells, so God knows what it'd be like if he was caught together in same room with both Sean _and _Emma.

"Sure, dude." Mickey scooped up a tan and Jay pulled the ring pull back and downed it downheartedly.

"Nice." Jay said crunching the can in his fist.

"Woah, alcoholic, much?" Mickey observed, half serious, half jokingly.

"Girl troubles, man." Jay admitted, first arching his eyebrows up at Mickey and wondering whether to reveal the skeletons in his closet to this relative stranger.

"Alex?" Mickey predicted. Jay hoped he wasn't that predictable.

"No. Well, yeah.. sorta. Kinda yeah, but its not just her." Jay mumbled feeling embarrassed. He regretted opening his big mouth now. "Emma Nelson? Know her?" Jay asked skeptically.

Mickey was mid twenties, too old for the current generation of Degrassi teenyboppers. "No, sorry man. Spill anyway, though." Mickey was desperate for details.

"She's pregnant." Jay spilled reluctantly. Mickey let out a stifled laugh and arched his eyebrows half way up his forehead. He gave him a look. "It's mine, too." Jay answered his question without Mickey having to say anything.

"Fuck... you're screwed."

"That's half my problem, yeah. And Alex doesn't wanna know me. I think she's got a thing for Towerz."

"That fool? He'd no good to her. Does he even talk?"

"Only to animals, I guess." Jay wasn't really up for trashing Towerz but he _was _up for talking about anything that would take his mind off Emma and the baby. A quick thought crossed his mid that if maybe he communicated with Emma once in a while he'd start to feel different, maybe even better about the whole situation. That thought stuck in his mind for maybe three seconds, before it was replaced by the need for a cigarette.

He dug deep in his pocket and retrieved his beat-up packet of Marlboro Reds. He patted the other pocket down for his lighter, and finally found it lodged in his jeans back pocket. He lit up his cigarette and gladly took a long drag. He expelled the smoke out through his nose and stared to the ground, still as a statue. He slowly put the packet back in his pocket, and as he pulled his hand back out, a small scrap of paper fell to the wooden slots of the bench table he was sat on.

He picked it up and one side was a small segment of a box of Lucky Charms cereal. He flipped it over and saw a number scrawled over the surface in curly, round pink font.

Jay's mind raced backwards to the night he received this number. He knew exactly when it was. He was wandering around the house wearing just a pair of black track pants. He had been awake for around 45 minutes but had left his sleeping beauty to rest in his bed.

When she awoke, she didn't stay long. She ripped a chunk of the Lucky Charms box off the top and jotted down her number for Jay to keep.

She flipped her long, wavy blonde hair flirtatiously as she walked out of the door. Jay was left stood in the middle of his kitchen not knowing quite what was going on. He'd just had sex with Emma. Emma Nelson, aka Greenpeace aka Enviro-Nerd. "How the hell did _that _happen?" He asked himself out loud. The sound of his voice bouncing off the walls made him shudder. "Holy shit... wait, quit talkin' to yourself Hogart, jeez." Jay was angry at himself. Talking to yourself was the first sign of madness. He was now more than half way there.

Back in the hear and now, Jay was now torn. He wanted to ring Emma and talk to her so bad. But he had no idea what he'd say when he got her on the phone. If she would even accept his call. He looked at the time on his cellphone. It was only early afternoon. School wasn't out for another two and a half hours. So Jay had that time to sit and work out what he was going to do.

He studied the numbers on the piece of cardboard until they began to squirm and jumble up.

* * *

By the time it got to the end of school and Jay made his way tragically over to Degrassi, he'd consumed five more pints of beer and smoked a carton of cigarettes as well as four joints. He was a bit of a state when he arrived, but all the same he sank down on the wall and waited blurry eyed for Emma to emerge.

He sat and drummed his fingers impatiently on his leg. Hundreds of Degrassians passed him by before there were just a few random straggles of people coming out. After almost ten minutes of waiting, when he was almost ready to get up and give in, he saw Emma trying to walk out without getting spotted.

Jay was going to shout across to her, but he didn't want the attention and she most certainly wouldn't. He volted off the wall and picked up the pace to a light jog to catch up with her. He reached out and grabbed her forearm. "Emma, wait!" He hissed.

She yanked her arm free and spun around looking distraught. "Jay, let go of me!"

Jay immediately held his hands up and 'surrendered' innocently. "Sorry, sorry. I'm not here to argue or fight or bitch or anything like that. I wanna know what's goin' on."

"You know the deal, Jay." Emma said shortly, not making eye contact with him. "You were kinda there."

"Did you get an abortion? Do you need money to cover it, cos I got some. Whatever you need, I've got it OK?" Jay tried to be helpful but it just got him further in trouble with Emma.

"I need 100." Emma said simply. She was going to make the most of this.

"OK, great. I'll get it to you by the end of the week."

"I need it for baby clothes." Emma added almost maliciously.

"Huh?" Jay uttered in disbelief. He wasn't sure if he was hearing Emma right. "What the hell?"

* * *

"I didn't get an abortion. I'm gonna do this thing, with or without you, Jay."

**Another chapter up, beta'd once again. - I think.**

**Please R&R – Luff reviews so much!**

**Nuff Luff x x x x **


	14. The Girl All The Bad Guys Want

**Thanks for the reviews! Keep 'em coming!**

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**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing Degrassi – Boo-Hiss-Boo!**

**This chapter carries on from where the last one left off. :)**

"Don't mess with my head like that Nelson." Jay threatened. "Have the damn abortion, who do you think your foolin'? You can't raise a kid, and I know I fucking can't."

"I just said it, Jay. I don't need you. I _can _do this myself. I will." Emma insisted confidently.

"No you wont." Jay retaliated.

"Watch me." Emma promised. She barged past Jay forcefully and shoved his chest with her shoulder angrily. Jay stepped back and turned angrily to watch Emma walk away and out of his life.

Emma felt better for standing up to Jay. It was a feeling of relief to start showing him that she could cope without him, that she didn't need him to hold her and every step of the way.

"Whatever, don't expect anything from me!" Jay shouted across to her. Emma heard him, but she let it slide. She kept her head down and carried on walking down the sidewalk, leaving trashed Jay hurling abuse at her from afar.

"Keep going, Jay. You can't bring me down." Emma whispered to herself as she felt tears pricking in her brown eyes. She may have demonstrated a tough cookie exterior just a few moments ago in front of Jay, but his onslaughts affected her more than she expected they would.

Jay felt an idiot shouting at Emma like she was worthless, but it was like word vomit. The taunts and cuss words just wouldn't stop coming. People were staring at him in horror. From nowhere he felt someone grab his arms and tackle him. Despite his fragile state, Jay wriggled free quite easily.

"Jason, you're banned from these premises!" Coach Armstrong got all up in Jay's face and shouted noisily. "Please leave now, you're creating a scene."

"Whatever!" Jay exclaimed erratically. He scooped his rucksack off the pavement and stormed off feeling like a prick. He'd made such a scene when really he should have talked it over calmly with Emma and started thinking about the life decisions they had to make regarding their future. It seemed Jay knew his wrong-doings and recognized his downfalls, but he was incapable of fixing things, or indeed having any control over things at all...

That night, Emma cried herself to sleep. She was so naïve to sleep with Jay, and think he'd want to know her afterwards. But at the time she really did think he was into her. But of course, he just wanted sex, and he got it and ditched her. And now, three months later, he was now back in her life, for all the wrong reasons.

Emma lost it to Jay at his apartment.

Flashback _She went round there after school, it was a Thursday. She wore jeans and a black long top. Jay's apartment was just as she imagined it. Cans of beer everywhere, multiple ashtrays scattered randomly, overflowing with cigarette butts and joint ends. When she got there, she sat nervously on the very edge of the couch, watching Jay smoke a cigarette. The graceful clouds billowed from the end and from his mouth. Emma wasn't keen on the smell, but she was just giddy that she was sat in Jay's house, she didn't care that he was smoking._

_He outstretched his hand, offering Emma a drag of his cigarette. Emma wrinkled up her nose and politely declined._

"_Wise choice." Jay said. He took one large drag and exhaled the smoke out of his mouth slowly, like he was Tony Montana wannabe smoking a fat Cuban cigar. He stubbed it out in the ashtray and turned almost immediately to terrified Emma._

_He looked at her sat there with her shoulder hunched and eyes fixed on the floor and laughed softly. "Lighten up. It's not that bad." He said gently placing his hand on her thigh. He leaned forward and tipped her head up slightly. She looked at him directly in the eye and flinched slightly as his hand got further up her leg. He kissed her. She was surprised. He was soft and gently. She could taste the cigarettes and beer on him, but she didn't question it. He began getting faster and he pusher her back gently but forcefully so she was lying on the sofa and he was above her. Making out with Jay was crazy. _

_He was so different to Sean. It wasn't like Emma had never been in this situation before, but she was insanely nervous. Her body was stiffening up and she felt robotic. Jay sensed it and pulled away momentarily._

"_Are you OK?" He asked._

_Emma swallowed and smiled reassuringly. "Yeah."_

_Jay nodded and went back in for another kiss. Emma was kinda glad he was taking control, she really didn't think she'd be able to do it._

_She managed to calm down for just a few moments enough to get used to what was happening, before she felt Jay begin to unzip her jeans. She pulled away from Jay and gasped nervously, unsure if she could do it. Jay looked up at her and flashed a panicked look across his piercing blue eyes. Emma took a deep breath and pulled Jay's head back down to kiss her again. He didn't stop._

_Afterwards, Emma felt different. Not how she'd expected to feel. It kinda felt odd that it wasn't Sean. She always thought she'd lose her virginity to him, but it didn't turn out that way. She sat back on the very edge, this time, the edge of the coffee table. She donned Jay's t-shirt, which drowned her. Jay stood wearing just track pants._

"_You OK?" He asked, noting her blank expression._

"_Sure." Emma said dazed. She didn't even look up._

The next day was Saturday. A week had passed since the debacle with Manny, and Jay only had three weeks left of exclusion. Three long weeks. He had ran out of ideas to pass the time with. He had humiliated himself outside Degrassi yesterday, and since then he really didn't feel like venturing out. He walked around his house wearing just a pair of black Calvin Klein's and socks. He stumbled around in a dazed mess. He had a cigarette hanging from his mouth and a pint glass of Stella in his hand. The perfect combination. All he really wanted now was a girl. Alex. But he couldn't have her. Damn.

He hated himself for ruining things with her. She was beautiful with her dark hair and dark eyes, beautiful face and heart-stopping smile. He-

A deafening banging on the door interrupted his thoughts. He made his way over to the door, tried to look through the peep-hole to see who it was. Jay used his feeble hands to try and flip the cover off, but it wouldn't budge. He poked and prodded at it, but it wouldn't reveal itself, and he was getting more and more frustrated.

He kicked the door angrily and grabbed the handle. He flung the door open.

"Woah!" Jay exclaimed, his hands flying to his crotch. He jumped behind the door and grabbed a pair of black cut offs. "Sorry, dude!"

"No sweat man." Sean said said stepping over the threshold with the biggest of grins plastered on his face.

"Who are you, the Cheshire cat?" Jay commented, noting the he smile Sean was fashioning.

"Listen, man." Sean ordered. He looked so happy Jay wondered why.

"Whatever you've been taking, I want some." Jay joked flatly.

"Listen, man. Guess what?" Sean was so overexcited he didn't give Jay time to guess. "I'm back for a month. And I'm gonna get Emma back."


	15. It's Not Right But Its OK Flashback

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing Degrassi.

Thanks for all the reviews.

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**This chapter will be a mix of flashback and current day events. Its my version of the episode Back in Black (where Sean goes back to Wasaga). But instead when Sean breaks the computer, he carjacks Jay's car with Ellie, leaving Jay and Emma behind. **

**It'll be clear when the flashbacks starts and end. Hope its clear.**

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Emma held onto Sean and blubbered like a baby, but rock solid Sean was emotionless. She clung to him like he was her life support and she couldn't stop the tears from falling. He didn't even wrap his arms around her, he just stood there saying nothing, doing nothing.

The sound of Snake's voice brought her back to the horrible reality.

Sean looked kinda numb, he just moved Emma aside gently and walked away. Emma was bewildered. She looked back to Snake.

"Get to class, Em. Carry on as usual, it'll get better."

Emma didn't believe him. Things weren't going to just blow over like that so quickly. She went to class, well started.

Outside, loud tinny music was floating noisily through the air. Follow the trail, and it leads to Jay Hogart, full of arrogance and quick wit, as per usual. While he was yammering about noise pollution or something, all Emma wanted to do was ask where Sean was. Just as Jay jerked his head in the direction of the news truck, a computer monitor came flying out of the doorway and came to a crash on the road just in front.

Emma was baffled by Sean's little display. Ellie followed behind him, looking equally as confused.

"Sean?" She called after him. The newsreader looked pissed. Her computer was still lying smashed up, and Sean didn't look like he was hanging around to repair his damage. In fact, it didn't look like he was hanging around anywhere for long.

"Come on!" Sean jumped into the drivers seat of Jay's attractive orange car. Ellie was basically forced to jump in the car next to him and be whisked away. "I'm going to Wasaga."

"Dude, what the fuck?!" Jay shouted after Sean, who was driving off into the sunset.

Emma was left standing with Jay. He was like Sean, but not. He was no substitute for Sean. But Emma had to remember that Sean was with Ellie. He'd just kidnapped her away to Wasaga, not her. After all they'd been through, he didn't even give her a second glance.

"Prick!" Jay cursed as Sean turned the corner out of sight.

"What are you gonna do, Jay?"

"Fuckin' hell, I'll just have to wait til he gets back. He won't go far." Jay kicked the kerb and whipped his hat off his head in frustration.

"Jay, Wasaga's like two hours away!" Emma pointed out obviously. "You need the car!"

"What am I meant to do, Emma?" Jay shouted bitterly. "Run behind the car?" He suggested sarcastically.

"Fine, be that way." Emma said turning sharply and walking away. "Asshole." She muttered to herself. Jay was such a prick, you try and talk to him like a normal human being and he screams and shouts in your face.

"Greenpeace!" Jay called after her, realizing the error of his ways. "Emma!" He tried again, using her correct name, a rarity.

"Leave me alone, Jay!" Emma hissed as Jay jogged up casually behind her and grabbed her bag to stop her. They stood just around the corner of Degrassi, by the door, away from all the hustle and bustle of daily life at school.

"I'm sorry. OK. I know you're stressed... or whatever, with the whole Rick thing. I didn't think."

"You never think, Jay. That's your problem, jerk!" Emma spat angrily.

"I know! I'm sorry!" Jay said again. He'd never said sorry like this and meant it. "I mean it, OK? I am really sorry. I'm an ass." Jay said, echoing his thoughts.

"Whatever." Emma said lowering her head. "Go away now." She meant to sound strong and forceful, but her voice was shaky and tearful, as she felt big, fat juicy tears well up in her eye sockets and begin trickling their way down her face.

Jay was silent for a few minutes but it was clear he wasn't budging. "Em?" He finally managed to utter. He gently reached out and tipped Emma's head up with his hand. "Are you... don't cry." He said softly.

Neither Jay nor Emma had seen him like this before. It was kinda weird. He wasn't this affectionate with Alex, and she was his girlfriend. "Jay, please..." Emma begged weakly. He looked at her for a few moments, and their eyes sank in to each others; Emma's chocolate brown eyes melting Jay's piercing blue stare.

"Don't say anything." Jay said, almost in a whisper, before leaning forward and kissing Emma just once. Nice and plain and simple, one kiss, on the lips. Nothing more... nothing less?

**end of first flashback**

**CUT TO PRESENT TIME**

Emma shuddered at the thought of her very first encounter with the legendary Jason Hogart. She wasn't at her best. The shooting was really playing on her mind then, it was only the first Monday after the shooting happened, and school was a swarming mass of police and newspaper reporters.

When she looked back on it now, perhaps you might say that Jay took advantage of Emma. Maybe she wanted it, maybe she didn't. No matter what, she knew now that her life was about to change. She just didn't know how much. A funny fluttering feel passed through Emma's stomach. It wasn't painful, just odd. She had to place a hand on her stomach to get the feeling to feel less intense. She passed it off as natural, and fell asleep with her mind totally flipping out about the dreams she kept having, of Jay. It wasn't right.

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**There's another one. First update of two to come now.**

**Please R&R – I love reviews!**

**Nuff Luff x x x x **


	16. Lost Without You

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing Degrassi. **

**Thanks for all the reviews.**

**Thanks to KagSanlover for BETA-ing so wonderfully! :)**

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**Oh, and I realized that I didn't explain Jalex's break up, but that will be explained in this chapter.**

Jay leaned casually against his car, twirling a cigarette round between him thumb and forefinger. He lifted it back up to his lips and inhaled deeply.

Sean was pottering around in the background, driving Jay insane. All he went on about was Emma, and getting her back. With every word Sean said Jay felt he was going more and more insane.

Sean had his head buried in the trunk of Jay's car. He was vacuuming the back out as a favor to Jay for letting him sleep on his couch.

"So, dude. When did ya last see Em? I wanna find her, but its like she'd vanished into thin air. And it's not like I can go back to Degrassi to look for her."

"Dude, neither can I. Banned from that hellhole for three more weeks." Jay answered, omitting a response to Sean's first question.

"When did you last see her? Was she OK? After the... the whole Rick thing." Sean's manly, deep voice softened at the end.

"Yeah. She was fine." Jay said looking to the floor. Ha! She was far from fine.

Jay didn't like to lie to his friend, but the guilt of lying was a hell of a lot better than the thought of Sean finding out about Jay knocking up Emma.

A million thoughts were tracking around Sean's mind. He was ecstatic to find Emma and show her he'd changed, he wasn't the same scared guy who ran off to Wasaga anymore. He was mature and ready to commit to her now. But finding her was another issue.

"Jay, why d'you keep dodging the questions?" Sean asked popping his head around the trunk of the car.

Jay took a few minutes to analyze things in his own head before he replied to Sean. What he'd done, technically wasn't bad at all. Cos Emma wasn't even with Sean. He had run off to Wasaga and ditched, returning only to drop off Ellie and return the car to Jay. And that was like 6 months ago almost. Jay and Emma had never been serious, but now she was having his baby, things were serious. But something told Jay that Sean wouldn't see it that way. So, Jay decided to keep quiet until he'd at least had the chance to speak to Emma.

"I don't. I haven't seen Emma, thats all dude. It's not like we run in the same circles or anything, is it?" Jay said, his confidence coming back to him.

"OK..." Sean said, not looking like he quite believe Jay's story. His voice was a few decibels higher than it usually was, and there was a shifty look fluttering across his eyes as he spoke, but he decided to let it slide for now. It was totally stupid to expect Jay was getting up to no good with Emma, as he said himself they were totally different. Surely?

* * *

About an hour later, Sean was done valeting Jay's Civic and was sat on Jay's cramped little balcony, surrounded by old car parts and spare wheels. He sipped on an ice cold beer and studied the fixed, intense expression on Jay's face.

"Dude!" Sean shouted after a while, gesturing his hands in front of Jay's blank face.

Jay snapped out of his trance and felt more and more pissed at Sean's presence.

Soon, Sean flipped the conversation around to Alex.

"She broke up with me. Seems Amy has a bit of a big mouth, not just a big rack." Jay explained briefly. "Me and Alex, we just weren't meant to be." Jay added sadly. It was true, as much as he didn't want it to be.

He looked away and scanned the view of the sidewalk from his vantage point of the second floor balcony he was occupying. In the distance he saw a familiar figure approaching. As they got nearer and nearer, they became clearer. She became clearer. Emma was getting nearer and nearer.

"It's damn quiet round here, Jay." Sean observed. "It's like..."

"Dude, wait there. I'll be back. Grab yourself another beer, whatever." Jay said, jumping up out of his seat and darting through the door towards the front door like lightning.

"Jay, man? What..."

"Five minutes, man." Jay said dipping out of the door.

* * *

"Emma!" Jay managed to catch up to her before she got to close to his apartment. He had no idea where she was headed, but she wasn't gonna get there yet. "What are you doing?"

"What's it to you?" Emma said. Jay couldn't work out of she was playfully teasing or just being a straight up bitch.

"Oh believe me, it's my business. You made it my business the day you came here and handed it to me on a plate. But thats besides the point. You need to know this. Sean. He's here."

"What?" Emma gasped, her eyes widening. "Where?"

"At my place. He's sleeping on my couch. And it gets worse." Jay said solemnly.

"How?" Emma asked sceptically.

"He wants you back. And he's got that weird determined look in his eye. He doesn't shut up about you." Jay said exasperated.

"Oh my God!" Emma gasped. She was lost for words. "What do we do?"

"He needs to know. He can't get with you, you're having my baby." Jay stated, like Emma didn't have a say in the matter.

He stared at Emma as a cynical facial expression formed on her pretty face. "Why are you lookin' at me like that?"

"Nothing..." Emma looked past Jay's shoulder at the scenery in the background.

"No, Emma." Jay said forcefully. "What the fuck was that look for?"

"Well..." Emma started unsurely. "It's not like me and you are a thing. And if Sean wants me, then... why should I turn him down?"

"I don't believe you, you slut. How many guys do you want?" Jay spat angrily.

"Ha! Who are you to talk, you man-whore. You, you're a serial cheater, Jay! You stick it in anywhere! How dare you preach to me?" Emma shouted back, fuming.

"It's different! You're gonna be a mom in six months! Where the fuck has your dignity gone, Nelson?" Jay hollered rudely.

"What the hell?" A new voice joined the conversation. Deep, confused and a little bit angry.

"Sean!" Emma yelped in surprise as he sauntered up, wanting answers to this madness he'd just witnessed.

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"You've GOT to be shitting me!" Sean stuttered slowly. The three of them sat on Jay's couch, Emma in the center, with a baffled Sean to her left and an angry Jay on her right side. "You two are having a kid? Who the hell thought that one up?"

"Sean, man. I was gonna tell you. But... it never felt like the right moment. I'm sorry, buddy." Jay tried to justify his actions.

"That's too weird. Emma-" he turned to her. "Why the hell did you sleep with that jerk?"

"Woah, dude. I know I'm not your favourite person right now, but I am still here. Don't be too nasty." Jay injected a bit of humor to lighten the mood, but his attempt fell on three pairs of deaf ears.

"It just doesn't make any sense. You two, you just don't... go." Sean couldn't find the words he wanted to use. He accepted that he couldn't really get angry, after all it wasn't like Emma was cheating on him. It just felt strange. He and Emma had such a history, when he could have had her, he let her go. He missed his chance with her so many times, now he knew he definitely couldn't have her, he felt lost.

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**Theres another one. Later than anticipated. Sorry!**

**Anyways, please R&R - :) **

**Nuff Luff x x x x **


	17. Calm Before The Storm

**Third Upgrade!**

**Hope You Enjoy**

**The Next One Will Be A Flashback!**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing Degrassi.**

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Things were moving quite fast for Emma now. Sean was back, if only temporarily, and he knew that she and Jay were having a baby. She had a scan on Friday, and things seemed like they might be settling down now.

For Jay, things weren't so peachy. The atmosphere at his place with Sean had made things almost painfully unlivable, so despite having three and a half weeks of his vacation left, Sean went back to Wasaga. Alone.

That left Jay in Toronto with Emma feeling awkward. She's made her feelings pretty clear, but Jay couldn't help but feel responsible for her. She wouldn't let him be anywhere near her, he hadn't even had an invite to the scan. It was just three days away.

Emma didn't want Jay there. Simply because she wanted to forget Jay was the father. She wished there was no father. No baby. She wanted to go back to a time when times were simpler.

**FRIDAY**

School was out for another week. It had been a whirlwind seven days. Emma sat at the kitchen table in a daze, fiddling aimlessly with the salt and pepper shakers. Her mom was milling around stacking the fridge with seemingly endless supplies of food. "Em, can I make you a sandwich or something?" Spike offered. She was worried for her daughter. Spike had been through this before, and she knew that taking care of yourself and the baby was of paramount importance.

"No, I'm OK." Emma said vaguely. She sipped a glass of ice cold water. It slipped down her throat and down the insides of her body and she felt herself getting fuller and fuller. She wasn't in the mood for food. "I had a huge pretzel with Manny walking home." Emma lied. She did have a pretzel, but only half a small one. The rest she "accidentally" dropped on the sidewalk. Nerves had taken her over and the only thing she could think about was the birth. The very thought of it scared the shit outta her.

Jay was half way through his expulsion now, meaning Emma didn't have to see him at lunch time, or to face up to the fact that he might want an invite to the scan.

Unfortunately, as she dropped Manny off at her house, she'd not got far walking alone when she came across Jay.

She threw her hands up in the air and let out a stressed sigh. "Why do I keep seeing you, everywhere I go?" She shouted angrily. He was the last person she wanted to see. So much for avoiding him like the plague.

"Charming!" Jay smirked. He had a roll up cigarette hanging out of his mouth, it had gone out long ago, but he was too lazy to light it back up. His eyes lazy and his speech sloppy. "Cameron woulda found out eventually." He tried to justify.

"I'm not pissed about that anymore." Emma commented shortly.

"Right." Jay replied, not expecting it. "Good." He now had no more words to use.

"Can you get out of my way, I need to get home."

"Why? You gotta hot date?" Jay teased maliciously.

"No. You know where I'm going." Emma said desperately. "Please move."

"Don't plead with me, Nelson." Jay said bitterly. "You've got a scan don't ya?" He added, his voice softening noticeably.

"Yeah..." Emma admitted reluctantly. "I have."

"What time is it?" Jay asked.

Emma didn't want to tell him, but found the words tumbling out of her mouth. "4.30."

"OK. Have fun." Jay said walking away.

"Prick!" Emma shouted after him as she stormed over to her house.

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Emma could walk to the hospital, providing she allowed herself half an hour. Spike to protest and drive her to the hospital, but Emma was adamant she wanted to walk. However, once again, she had an unwanted run in with Jason Hogart.

"Jay! Quit stalking me!" Emma exclaimed as he cut across her in his car as she tried to cross the road.

"Get in. I'll drive you to the hospital." Jay commanded, more than offered.

Emma found herself not resisting Jay's demands. She got in the passenger seat and sat uncomfortably as Jay sped her away at full speed.

**HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM**

They sat next to each other. Jay had his legs set far apart and leaned forward, resting his arms on his legs. Emma sat crossed legged next to him, looking at his hunched shoulders. His head was fixed, completely still, staring ahead. Perhaps he was studying the contraception posters, mentally cursing the irony, like she was.

"Emma Nelson?" She was finally called. She stood up and awkwardly looked down to Jay who wouldn't make eye contact.

"Jay?" She asked, her voice a whisper. She waited for any kind of response, but he ignored her. "Jay, are you coming with me?" She asked again, louder this time.

Jay slowly lifted his head up and looked at her with glazed over eyes. He'd been smoking weed before they got to the hospital. "Sure." He simply said.

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**Please R&R – Your reviews make my day! :)**

**Nuff Luff x x x x **


	18. Let You Go

**DISCLAIMER: I Own nothing Degrassi orientated.**

**Hope you like this one!**

Emma and Jay came away from the scan with mixed feelings for the future. Emma was hopeful that Jay might stick around. Ditch the bad boy image and maybe act half like a father. She was skeptical at her thoughts, but she had to stay positive.

Over the past few weeks, she'd started developing a tiny, tiny bump. Just a petite one, but it protruded quite a bit from her skinny frame. Perhaps it was just her imagination.

As she and Jay walked across the parking lot, Emma felt herself immediately tense as Jay threw his arm around her shoulders and nonchalantly carried on walking toward the Civic. She let him do it, but hunched her shoulders and didn't dare move and became rigid like a board. The walk to the car seemed to take forever. She felt like they were wading through treacle.

As they finally approached the car, Jay dropped his arm robotically and climbed into the car, leaning over to open the door from the inside for her. She got in and sat quietly. Jay revved the engine noisily and backed out of the space in record time. He sped off and stayed silent the whole time. He jabbed sloppily at the radio buttons until it landed on a station respectable enough for him to listen to. Emma stared out of the window at the scenery whizzing past her. Jay drove fast and she gripped onto the arm rest in a slight state of anxiousness. Jay had come down quickly after the reality of the baby scan hit him, so it was safe for him to be driving.

Emma watched him out of the corner of her eye; he stared straight ahead at the road before him, his eyes not even flickering to look at her. That kind of upset Emma that he was so quiet. He steered only with one hand; the other was accommodating a cigarette. Emma was wary not to breathe the smoke in. She wished Jay would realize and maybe even become a bit more thoughtful. Maybe that needed more time. Was she asking a bit much?

Jay wasn't speaking, so Emma had only her thoughts to keep her company. In her free hand she clutched her scan pictures dearly. She had four, all from a slightly different angle. She was actually looking forward to showing her mom. It was so frickin' surreal to look at the snaps and think that it was the baby growing inside of her. It was still tiny though. In a short while, she'd have a baby. And so would Jay... That didn't bear thinking about.

Soon, Jay had to slow the car down, as they approached the first red set of lights of the whole journey. They grinded to a halt behind a big yellow school bus. Jay had discarded his cancer stick to the sidewalk and wound up the windows. The atmosphere inside the vehicle was stuffy and stifling. He'd resorted to drumming his fingers rhythmically on the steering wheel.

Emma threw her head back to rest on the headrest and closed her eyes tight. She listened to the beat. It was strangely calming and soothing. Just as she began to feel relaxed and a little bit ok, the cease of the tapping and the introduction of Jay's deep voice shook her back to reality.

"Oh, to be seven again." He was staring up at the school bus, full of loud, chatty elementary aged school kids. "When everything was trivial. No girlfriend problems... no pregnant one night stands."

Emma was taken aback. She'd never heard Jay be so open about the situation. In fact, he'd never been so forthcoming and genuine in his conversations. Ever. She was unsure of how to respond.

"Totally." She said stupidly. She cringed at herself and wished the traffic would start moving again.

She sat there wishing the ground would swallow her up, just so she'd have something to distract herself with. Despite everything she'd been with, and the tough, confident, self righteous exterior she was supposed to have, she hated making a fool of herself in front of Jay. She actually cared what he thought of her. She could never admit it, but she could admit it to herself and that was something.

She'd longed for Jay to open up to her, and now he had she couldn't find the words to respond to him. She couldn't have a conversation with him like a mature adult, and he was the father of her child. There was no hope, it seemed.

"I can't believe we're having a girl." Jay mused monotonously.

Emma was delighted he was finally giving her something she could actually work with.

"I know. It's... awesome." She was glad Jay had finally got the ball rolling conversation wise. He turned her head half way towards her and shot her the famous Hogart smirk.

"It sure is." He said, setting Emma's mind at rest for the time being.

He reached over and reassuringly squeezed her hand in his. Emma blushed slightly and found herself not being able to make eye contact with him. Oh my God, was she... crushing? On Jay Hogart? Surely not! She'd told herself not to get attached!

The traffic began moving again, and they were plunged back into silence for the remainder of the journey. But it wasn't the same awkward silence from earlier. It didn't put Emma on edge. She could relax in the comfort that she and Jay were now on their way to becoming a half decent couple for raising a baby.

* * *

The next day, Emma spent her Saturday afternoon in The Dot with her mom. Spike treated Emma to lunch that afternoon. Secretly, Spike was worried about Emma. If there was anyone who knew what Emma was soon to be facing, it was Spike.

She'd been there. She was in junior high when she gave birth to Emma, it was even worse. To Spike, Emma seemed a bit naïve and misguided about this whole pregnancy and giving birth thing. It wasn't going to be easy. Emma was floating around in her own blissful bubble of ignorance. Soon, she'd have a huge bump and labor would be inevitable. It would be a real shock. Spike had gone over this a million times in her head. It's just the actually telling Emma part that was a problem.

Spinner was serving in The Dot. He approached their table cautiously with a weird expression on his face.

"Yo, Em. Emma's mom." He greeted them both politely. "Would you like menus?"

Emma and Spike accepted the menus and Emma buried her face in hers in shame. Spinner was the most un-subtle guy in the world – this was just plain embarrassing.

Spinner returned way too soon for Emma's liking with their drinks – two Diet Cokes – and asked to take their food orders.

"Uh, I'll have the medium Caesar Salad, please." Spike said, folding up her menu neatly on the table.

"Veggie Burger and fries please." Emma said not looking up to Spinner. He scribbled it down, took away their menus and was finally gone.

"Em, why did you act so coy around him? Is that him? Is that Jason?" Spike asked, eyeballing Spinner pre-judgmentally.

"No!" Emma hissed, cowering in her seat, her cheeks on fire. "That's Spinner."

"Oh right." Spike said slowly, her memory creeping back to her.

- - -

As they pushed their empty plates away, Emma was feeling a little better. She'd relaxed after a while, when Spinner became so busy serving tables and keeping on top of everything he was bound to have forgotten about her.

He came over and took the plates. He said something about hoping they'd enjoyed their meals, but Emma barely heard him. She caught sight of the scan pictures in her mom's wallet.

"Mom?" Emma spoke up.

"What's the matter, honey?" Spike was so caring.

"I'm really sorry. I know you didn't want me to go down the same route that you did. But I'm gonna try my hardest to get an education. I'll graduate late, but I'll do it I promise."

"Sweetie, you don't have to apologize to me. I understand completely. I'm glad you're doing this. It takes a brave, brave girl to do what you're doing. And alone, too. I admire you, I'm not angry in the slightest."

"That's the thing. I might not have to do it alone. I think Jay might ask me out. So we can do this half properly."

"That's an idea..." Spike didn't seem too enthusiastic. "Don't rush into marriage, whatever you do. It's not worth it. Not if you don't think Jay's the one for you. I know it's a bad thing for me to say, as your mom, but it's true at the end of the day. Do what's in your heart, sweetie."

* * *

Jay was unsure of why he'd acted like he had that previous day. He spent the night and most of Saturday morning pondering the proceedings of the trip home from the hospital on Friday.

He woke up after an unsuccessful four hours of sleep at about 6.30 am. Seven hours, thirteen beers and twenty four cigarettes later, he still hadn't reached a concrete conclusion.

He liked Emma. But he only really liked her enough to sleep with her once then not have any repercussions to deal with. But that wasn't an option. Before yesterday, the idea of her having an abortion hadn't fazed him. But now he had photographic evidence that he had a daughter on the way he felt differently.

He pondered whether Emma's friend Manny suffered any guilt over aborting her and Manning's kid. That was weird. Jay thought back to grade ten, when he'd first heard about the emo kid, Craig, knocking up Little Miss Tasty Manny. Who'd have thought in a year – less than – it would be him in that situation. Except the girl would be Cause girl, Emma Nelson.

Jay wondered what Emma was doing now. She was keeping his baby safe for him until she was ready to be born. Jay's drunken state turned him into a real Simpleton. His wants were straight-forward when he was intoxicated.

As alcohol morphed his thoughts and made him doubt himself, he wondered if perhaps he did want Emma. Could he bring himself to let her go?

* * *

**There's another one! Hope you liked it. Please R&R – I love reading your reviews!**

**Nuff Luff x x x x**


	19. It's All My Fault

**Italics Emma's thoughts.**

**DISCLAIMER: I still don't own anything Degrassi, what a let down. **

* * *

Sunday started off great. The morning was great. A lie in, a tasty breakfast and a surprise visit from someone from the past. It sounded like a horoscope write-up.

Spike came clattering down the wooden basement stairs at 11:30 a.m. with sky scraper heels on.

"Mom?" Emma held up her head wearily. She was having the best dream. But it was gone.

"Hey, Em. Sorry to wake you, but it's almost afternoon!" Spike said sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Oh my God! Really, why didn't you wake me before?"

"You looked so relaxed, I didn't wanna wake you."

Emma was embarrassed. That seemed to be a permanent state of being for Emma of late. "Well, I'm up now!" Emma pulled back the duvet and sprung from the bed in a jovial fashion. "Uh, mom I need to shower."

"Oh, yeah! Right, well I'll leave you to it. Breakfast will be about 20 minutes."

"OK." Emma agreed and swung her legs out of bed with more energy than she expected. But she _had _just had almost 12 hours sleep. "I'm getting in the shower. I'll be up soon." She informed Spike. She expected her mom to just leave it at that and get out of her way, but Spike was just standing there, transfixed. "Mom?" Emma wondered what Spike was staring at.

"Oh, sorry honey." Spike snapped out of her daze and smiled broadly. "I just can't believe I'll have a grandchild soon. It's amazing." She continued, brushing her right hand softly over Emma's _very_ small bump.

"Uh, yeah. It's great." Emma felt like she was lying to herself. The tone of her voice shocked her, like she was actually reminding herself to 'appear' pleased about it. She was finally in a half decent place - or so she had thought - and now she was there she wondered what all the hype was about.

In the shower, she examined the contour of her usually washboard stomach. From her vantage point, it protruded too much. But looking across the room to the large oval shaped mirror above the sink, in profile view she could barely see it. She wondered what other people saw when they looked at her. Whether they could tell straight away or whether it was a case of people thinking she'd put on weight. She definitely didn't want that.

She wished that the refreshing droplets of shower water would make her feel better, but they just didn't. So much for washing her troubles away. That was just a pipe dream.

Breakfast was immense. Pancakes with maple syrup, the little buttery accompaniment that Emma favored, with a huge class of freshly squeezed orange juice and veggie sausage patties.

"Wow, mom!" Emma was flabbergasted by the huge spread her mom had put on for her. "You didn't have to do all this!"

"Anything for my special girl." Spike was beaming, it was quite strange.

"Mom?" Emma inquired warily. "Why are you so smiley? It's making me paranoid."

"Emma?" A deep husky voice came floating over from the corner of the kitchen.

Emma spun around to be greeted by Manny. "What the hell are you doin' here?" Emma folded her arms across her chest and arched an eyebrow accusingly.

"Manny just wants you to hear her out. We had a long, long chat while you were asleep, and she really is sorry. All you need to do is forgive her." Spike aided the conversation for Manny, who was tongue-tied.

"I don't care. She blabbed in front of the whole school. She had no right to do that, she knows exactly what it's like!" Emma pointed out bitterly. She didn't raise her voice, hoping that in doing so she'd make Manny feel worse.

"Em, if you're trying to make me feel worse, it's not working." Manny was actually crying. Emma was quite shocked. _The tone didn't work, then_. "I feel so bad already." _Oh, maybe it is._

"Yeah? Well, you should." Emma wasn't going to take this one laying down.

"Emma!" Spike scolded her daughter for being so harsh on Manny.

"What?!" Emma raised her tone and shot back at her mom. "I don't think you quite get this, mom. She ruined my life!"

"Emma! I'm sorry, OK? How many times do I have to say it!" Manny sobbed loudly.

"Until I believe you, perhaps?" Emma was being a real bitch. She didn't know where it was coming from. Perhaps it was too much socializing with Jay.

"Stop being so difficult, Emma!" Spike stepped in and grabbed Emma's forearm forcefully. "Manny came here this morning to make it up with you, the least you could do is be civil to her."

"Em, I'm so sorry. I really am. I was pissed. But I'm not anymore. I'm just really, really sorry. Please don't hate me anymore, I hate it." Manny pleaded, stepping toward Emma.

Emma stepped backwards in opposite unison with her former friend.

Emma sat at the table, awfully aware that Manny was sat opposite her, looking toward her waiting for forgiveness. She could feel Spike's icy cold glare etching into her skin like a laser. Emma prodded at a wedge of pancake, skimming it around in the syrup.

Light filtered in through the open window and golden bronze highlights in Manny's hair caught Emma's eye and made her look up.

Emma dropped her fork reluctantly and sighed loudly. Spike and Manny looked up at her, eager for her next move.

"Fine. I forgive you. But if you ever, ever betray me like this again-"

"There won't be a next time!" Manny squealed. She leaped up from her seat and threw her arms around Emma's neck, still squealing in delight.

"Woah! OK, cool!" Emma returned the gesture kindly, despite being more than a little unhappy with Manny's speedy closeness.

Soon, it was as if the feud between Emma and Manny hadn't even happened. The friction and bitterness between them seemingly melted away. The two of them sat at opposite ends of Emma's bed, reading magazines with music blaring in the background, just like old times.

"Oh, Manny, oh my god, I almost forgot!" Emma hit the pause button and squealed uncontrollably. Manny waited with baited breath, matching the smile on Emma's face.

"I'm having a girl!" She revealed, her huge grin not easing up.

"Oh my God!!" Manny shrieked, darting off the bed sending magazines flying. "Em, that's awesome news!" She gave her friend a huge hug, accommodating for her bump.

"I know, right!" Emma hadn't been so happy in forever. She hadn't realized quite how much she'd missed Manny's company these past few weeks.

"God, it's not even been a month, but things have changed so much!" Manny reflected sadly. "Spinner couldn't see how them dumping that stuff on Rick was bad. I just hope that when Rick gets outta the hospital, he doesn't see red and go after Spinner. It's bad enough that Jimmy's in his chair now."

"Manny, I think as soon as Rick is better he'll be going to prison." Emma pointed out.

"Well, either way we won't have to worry about him again. Especially you, Em." Manny reached out and comfortingly touched Emma's clasped hand.

Being so wrapped up in her troubles with Jay and the baby, she'd almost forgotten about Rick holding the gun to her, and the gut wrenching moments when the gun went off and Emma had to figure out who had got shot: Rick or Sean.

"Yeah..." she whispered an agreement.

Two hours passed and Emma was in two minds. She was glad to have Manny back. Really glad. She needed a friend at the minute. But the other side of her was feeling funny. In the pit of her stomach, and in the back of her mind she had a funny feeling that all this was too good to be true. The events of Sunday evening were such polar opposites of the events of Sunday morning.

It was nearing seven in the evening and Manny was still here. They had a huge bowl of buttery popcorn and were now watching movies.

Manny had bought Disturbia with her, citing her choice of movie due to her crush on Shia LaBeouf. Right in the middle of the movie, Emma let out a pained cry and clutched at her stomach in pain.

"Em? What are you doing?" Manny placed her Coke down on the end table and backed away, her heart lurching suddenly.

"Ow!" Emma hissed, screwing her face up and squeezing her hands into tight fists. "Oh, shit! Manny help!"

"What's happening?" Manny demanded to know. "Emma, is it the baby?"

"I think so." Emma managed to spit the words out through the pain. She had severe cramping in her stomach and the pain was making her light headed. "Oh my God, go get my mom and dad!" She let out a loud scream and stood up, bent double in pain. As she did, Manny saw that blood was gushing everywhere.

"Oh my God, Emma what the hell is happening?" Manny was rooted to the spot.

"Manny, please!" Emma pleaded with her best friend for help. This was really, really scary and she needed her mom, so so bad.

Seconds turned to minutes as Emma waited for Manny to return with Snake and Spike. The excruciating pain and mind blowing, phenomenal feeling that was rushing through her body caused Emma to pass out.

When she awoke, she was weary. She opened her chocolate brown eyes a fraction to see bright, gaudy white lights. A nasty smell of antibacterial disinfectant lingered in the air. Emma wrinkled her nose, unsure of where she was and why she was there. As she opened her eyes fully, it all came rushing back to her. She shut her eyes again quickly, aware of some figures sat by the side of her bed. She didn't wish to speak just yet.

The last thing she remember was the pain of cramps while watching some Shia LaBeouf film with Manny. Then it all got a bit hazy. She was unsure of what happened in between her blacking out and her waking up, but she was sure she was about to find out.

She slowly turned her head and opened her eyes achingly slowly. She was surprised to find she was accompanied by just one person. The person she least expected to be here: Jay.

"Jay?" Her voice was husky and brand new. She hadn't used it in a while.

"Hey sleeping beauty." Jay's tone was unusually soft. He smiled lightly and Emma felt a little less on edge. "How are you?"

"Uh, confused to be honest." Emma admitted shifting herself in the bed to lean up against the fluffy marshmallow pillows. "What happened?"

"You don't remember?" Jay was surprised. He'd have thought something like what had just happened to her would stick out in her memory.

"No. Well, kinda... I remember cramps and... and blood. A lot of blood. Manny was freakin' out. Then... that's it. I don't remember." Emma was angry at herself for not being aware of what was going on.

"Emma. You had a miscarriage." Jay said slowly. His eyes dropped to the scratchy brown bed cover. He couldn't look her in the eye. He focused on a stray, straggly strand of material and didn't move his glazed over blue eyes once for the rest of his spiel.

"It was Sunday night. Your mom called me from here and, and told me." Jay thought he was going to crack. "I came straight here, but they'd taken you to... to remove the, the, baby. Spike and Snake and Manny. They're all here. They went to get lunch. No-one really feels like it though. I suppose I should go and get them. Now you're awake." Jay pushed his chair out with an ear splitting screech and was headed toward the door when Emma called him back.

"No, Jay. Stay with me, please. Just for a minute." She was blown away by this news. She barely remembered it, but it was horrific enough to reduce Jay to a quivering wreck. It was bad. It definitely was.

Jay had his hand on the door handle, but at the sound of Emma's voice he spun right around and abandoned his plans to leave. He stood at the bed, unsure of where this was going.

Emma sat up straight and pulled the bed cover away, suddenly coming over all hot and flustered. She took this opportunity to run her hand over her stomach. To the touch, it felt no different, but as she examined her belly as it was the way she sat, there was no such bump as there was the last time she'd checked herself out.

"Jay?" Her voice shook. It was enough to make Jay quickly jerk his head up in concern. Their eyes met and Jay's heart sank as he saw her crying.

Big, fat juicy tears welled up in her striking brown eyes. This made Jay falter as well. He felt a big lump forming in his throat as he watched the shattered, defeated version of the strong Emma Nelson break down in mourning.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't ever want to hurt our baby." She apologized sincerely. She felt wholly responsible for the death of their daughter. "I know it's my fault, I couldn't keep her safe."

"Emma! Em, no!" Jay raised his voice assertively. "It's not your fault, don't ever, ever think that way, OK?"

"It is, Jay! She died inside of me! I was meant to keep her for nine months then..." Emma couldn't complete her sentence.

"Emma, don't beat yourself up about it, please?" Jay hated seeing her this way, it broke his heart. "I don't blame you for this. No-one does. Don't let yourself think that way."

"Really?" Emma asked, her voice a tiny squeak.

"Promise." Jay said. He took a seat on the edge of the bed and pulled her in close. She swung her legs out of the covers and sat closely next to him. He hooked one arm around her tiny shoulders and reassuringly held onto her clenched hands with the other. He looked down at her, she looked up at him. There was a magic in the air that came with this new found closeness they were demonstrating. Emma never thought he'd be so nice to her.

Jay knew that this new role of 'sensitive protector guy' was way different to how he usually acted, but he was willing to do whatever it took to keep Emma. She was a special girl worth holding on to.

He slowly tipped his head toward hers and placed one simple kiss upon her soft lips. He immediately withdrew his head and smiled softly. He took a deep breath and looked back at her.

"I love you, Emma."

**It was easy to write this chapter cos I've just received three lots of bad news while doing this chapter, so the emotions and feelings of all the characters involved totally came easy to me. Hope you like the way this turned out. This isn't the end, there'll be about three or so more chapters, with more proper Jemma-ness. Yay!**

**Please R&R! x x x x**


	20. Moving On Is Hard To Do

**DISCLAIMER: I borrowed and modified a few lines from the song Dry Your Eyes by British band The Streets. Don't know if anyone knows them to know that I stole the lines, but I thought I'd mention it anyway. So, yeah; I don't own Degrassi or The Streets.**

**Thanks you for all the reviews, this chapter is perhaps the penultimate one, the end is nigh! But not just yet!**

* * *

Emma wondered if Jay, in ten years time, would still be the same person he was today. Signature scowl? Trademark black cap? Would he think back to the trauma he and Emma suffered loosing little Callie?

Jay wondered if Emma would still think about him when she was old. Would she regard him as the one that was there throughout the worst time of her life, or would she be thankful that throughout all the pain and heartache, they had time together?

They could look to the future and hope that one day this would ease up in their minds, but right now they had to focus on the here and now, to look out for what was next over the horizon.

* * *

Emma sat curled up on the couch with her arms wrapped round her legs, clinging to them for self comfort. She'd been at Jay's ever since she got back from the hospital, and no matter what Snake and Spike did, Jay could not force her to return home. He'd attempted too many times, but his tries fell upon deaf ears. The way Emma saw it, her future was sitting on the couch at Jay's. It had been two days and she had barely moved. She hadn't eaten since even before the miscarriage.

Things had gone from dizzying high heights of happiness to sickeningly low slums, and it had only been a matter of days. How could things change so drastically in such a short amount of time?

Emma felt guilty. She'd done this, it was her fault she was so hopeless. She couldn't even keep her own daughter safe for nine months. She'd failed. Failed herself, Jay, her parents, everyone. Most of all, she failed her unborn daughter. Dead before she even got to open her eyes.

Emma was lost in her thoughts. Looking at Jay's pained expression on his exhausted face – he'd stayed up the whole of last night watching over her – brought back memories from the previous day at the hospital.

_Emma was informed that her baby was very tiny. The doctors had removed the fetus, and they'd be able to hold a ceremony for her if they'd wanted. Emma couldn't even think that far. It had only been a matter of hours since Jay had broken the news to her, she still couldn't quite fully comprehend it. There was something that had been playing on Emma's mind, though. _

"_Jay, can I talk to you?" Emma asked._

_Jay was unsure of what she was going to say, so he was reluctant to accept, but he found himself doing so anyway. _

"_What?"_

"_I wanna give the baby a name."_

_Jay felt relief wash through him as he realized what Emma was asking. "Sure. Anything. Within reason." Jay joked slowly._

"_How about Callie? I always thought about it while I was pregnant. That's what I was thinking of calling her."_

"_Callie? Callie Nelson-Hogart?" Jay repeated monotonously._

_Emma braced herself convinced Jay didn't like the name. "Yeah." She whispered._

_Jay looked to the floor. "I'm kidding, I love it!" He eventually exclaimed._

They might not have got to keep their baby, but they sure as hell were gonna give their little angel in heaven a name.

"_Callie Nelson-Hogart, our angel." Jay kissed her lightly and held onto her hand securely._

She hadn't spoke for days. Jay had forgotten her voice. She hadn't smiled. Jay's forgotten her smile.

"Em?" His husky voice broke the silence. He sat on the edge of the coffee table and leaned forward, close to her. She didn't respond, the silence was back, and Jay could hear her breathing slightly. She was sitting slightly sideways, sunken into the corner of the couch. She faced the way she sat, sort of South East.

"Emma?" He repeated her name a little louder, but she didn't even flinch.

"Emma, please?" Jay out-stretched his hand and lightly touched her cheek. He turned her head to make her look at him. She dropped her eyes, but then looked up at him.

Her eyes glazed over like she was looking straight through him. "Emma, baby? You're mom called again. She and Snake are really worried about you."

Jay grasped her ice cold hand in his and waited patiently for a response from her. He heard the seconds scrape by from the wall clock behind him. Over a minute passed and she didn't answer. Jay was at a loose end. There was no getting through to her. She wouldn't speak, and she wouldn't listen to what you had to say. You could tell her the ceiling was falling in and she wouldn't even flinch.

Jay looked around the room exasperated. He stood up quickly and started pacing. He felt his fuse getting shorter and shorter. He suddenly stopped and threw his hands onto the back of the couch, leaning forward, arching his back.

"Please!" He shouted, making Emma flinch. "I need you to talk to me, Emma! We can't get through this alone, OK? It ain't gonna happen!"

She turned her head mechanically and looked up at him. His dramatic moment had caused a fresh load of tears to form in her eyes. They came cascading over and down her flushed cheeks as she moved her head. "Please don't shout at me." She requested in a tiny, broken voice. Those were the first words she'd uttered in days. It broke Jay's heart to hear her sounding so fragile and depressed.

Then guilt kicked in, for making her scared.

"I didn't mean to scare ya." He said softly. "I'm sorry." He straightened up his back and came round to sit next to her on the couch. "Can I sit here?"

Emma looked down at the empty spot, then up at him, and nodded vaguely in approval.

Jay sank down next to her and stared straight ahead. "I know this is hard for you. It's hard for me too, really hard. But you can't run from it. You gotta go see your mom and Snake."

"I don't wanna leave this room." Emma admitted, not making eye contact with Jay. "It's not worth it anymore. I failed."

Her voice shook as sobs threatened to overwrite her speech. Jay felt an awkward lump form in his throat. He didn't want to see Emma like this; it made him sick to his stomach. He'd never wish that on even his most sworn enemy.

"I'll be with you every step."

"It's stupid." Emma continued, seemingly ignoring Jay's offer. "How can I miss her? I never had her. You can't miss something you never had." She tried to justify the situation in her mind, but she just ended up frustrating herself even further. "It's a totally stupid thing."

"It's not stupid." Jay felt like he was being programmed to say the right thing. He never said the right thing. Or if he did say the right thing, he didn't say it at the right time. "You were pregnant for almost five months. You had the baby inside you, you felt it inside of you, and that's pretty amazing." He said slowly. "But, you're not to beat yourself up over it. No-one blames you."

"Promise?" Emma asked shakily. Their eyes met and Jay put forward a kiss as a sealant for his promise.

* * *

After a huge bout of convincing, Jay, with the help of Manny, managed to get Emma to Snake and Spike's. Jay drove them there on Wednesday evening, dropped them off and was alone for the night. At least he had his old buddies Jack Daniel's and Mary Jane to keep him company. Maybe if he put in as much effort to life as he did to getting drunk and stoned, he might have turned out a better person. Emma loosing the baby had given him a lot to think about. It had put things into perspective for him.

He had a glass of JD sat on the coffee table, but he set it aside for a moment while he rolled a joint. He poured all his effort and concentration into it; distributing the right amount, coning it perfectly and fashioning the best roach he could. He didn't even put this much effort into his friendship with Emma. He couldn't really call it a relationship, could he?

He lit up and inhaled the soothing, relaxing aromas of the weed, and washed it down with a "refreshing" mouthful of strikingly bitter and hot JD. It slipped down his throat and he felt it settle uncomfortably in his lungs. He felt sorry for his lungs; they were so blackened and tar-ridden through years of abuse. Yet another thing he'd ruined.

* * *

Emma was glad to have Manny back as a friend. She stayed the night and they slept close to each other. Manny fell asleep quickly, but her overactive mind kept Emma awake. Whenever she closed her eyes and tried to drop off, her busy brain was always too wide-awake, reminding her of the baby.

_Please thoughts! Leave me alone and let me sleep, please! _Emma pleaded with herself. _I'm sorry for what I did to my baby. I never meant to lose her. _

Emma hated the phrase "lost". It was like she'd lost her door key or something. A trivial material possession that could easily be replaced, that was no big deal in the long run. But this wasn't like that at all. The plans she and Jay had made, things were starting to go really well. Now those plans were down the toilet.

Emma could hear Manny's breathing. The basement was hot and stuffy, and Manny, wearing small shorts and a tank top, flipped onto her back from her side and Emma watched her chest rise and fall. Breathing. The beginning of all life and the end of it.

Emma's mind raced. The pro's and con's of breathing. The title of a Fall Out Boy song cropped up in her mind. She analyzed the words. How could one simple thing, something you could do in your sleep, without even thinking about it, how could it mean the difference between life and death? Emma's mind went from racing to boggling as this new concept morphed itself in her brain.

She looked over at the clock; 3:17 a.m. She wasn't tired at all. She wasn't thinking about going to sleep. The next time she looked at the clock it was 6:36 a.m., and she hadn't slept a wink in those three plus hours. She let the luminous red letters change themselves into 6:40 a.m., a nice even time, and then she shook Manny awake.

"Huh?" Manny opened one eye wearily and threw her hands to her head in early morning confusion. "What?"

"It's morning." Emma announced softly.

Manny lifted her head off the pillow and squinted at the alarm clock. "It's still night time! Go back to sleep!" She exclaimed half asleep. Her head hit the pillow and her eyes flickered shut again, but Emma stayed propped up on her elbows, looking round the room in exasperation. A few moments later, Manny's voice, clearer this time, interrupted her thoughts. "How long have you been awake?"

Emma spun her head around to look at Manny, who was still lying down with her eyes closed, but hey, at least she was awake. That was a bonus.

"I haven't been to sleep yet." Emma admitted. "It's too hot. And I can't stop thinking."

"Don't work yourself up into frenzy, Em." Manny warned in her most concerned tone.

"Me and Jay were gonna try and make things work. He was gonna help me with Callie." Emma didn't cry, but her tone was depressing. But still, it wasn't even 7am – there was still plenty of time for crying.

"Em, I know this is hard for you. But if you think that Jay doesn't love you anymore, then you're wrong." Manny said bluntly. What she was saying was exactly what Emma needed to hear, wanted to hear, and best of all, it was the truth, so why wasn't it making her feel any better?

"It's gonna take time to get over this." Manny said, as if reading Emma's thoughts. The friends sat on the bed cross-legged. "You've got so many people around you that care for you, including Jay!" Manny stressed the last part of her sentence, hoping to get the message through to Emma.

* * *

Snake and Manny went off to school later that morning, and Spike was out taking Jack to pre-school, so Emma was left alone for an hour or so. The two days of isolation and the hot and stuffy night last night had left her good and ready for a shower. She'd washed and got dressed in record time. It was only quarter to nine.

She wandered around the house in a navy v-neck and denim cut offs. The television was blaring SpongeBob, but she payed no attention to it. It was a kid's show, and she didn't have any kids. Bitterly, she grabbed the remote and changed the channel.

Canada AM flicked on the screen, also something Emma was barely interested in.

A small commotion outside saved her from TV Hell. She sauntered over the window and peaked nosily through the curtain to see what had caught her eye. The mailman was outside unloading letters into their mailbox. She gave him a moment to finish off, before speeding away in his mail van. Emma slipped on a pair of flip flops and went to seek out the post.

When she got inside, she was surprised to find she had her own letter. It looked very formal, addressed to Ms. E. C. Nelson. She dropped the other four envelopes onto the side and took her one down to her room...

**To Em,**

**I've always done the wrong thing. It's something that I expect you've come to expect from me. As you can see from the headed paper I'm writing to you from, I managed to make it to prison this time. I'm not allowed to say much, but basically, think of the worst thing I could've done, half it, and imagine a guy with a broken arm and collar bone. I'm in here for nine months. If it wasn't for the deaf kid in Wasaga, I'd probably have gotten off lightly. **

**I know you and Jay are gonna have this kid together, and I suppose I should wish you good luck. Prison life is shit, I hope your life is going the way you always wanted, and I hope Jay can make you happy. When I get outta hear I'm going back to Alberta with Tracker and you'll never have to worry about me again. I'm sorry for all the hurt and pain I've cause you in the past, but now I wanna make sure I can rest knowing you're happy with Jay. 'Cuz I know you will be happy with him. He's charming and kind and funny, he'll have that affect on you. **

**Keep smiling, 'cuz it can only get better.**

**Love always,**

**Sean xoxox **

Tears streamed from her beautiful brown eyes as she read and re-read the letter. It was dated four days ago. The day she lost the baby. It was like he was tempting fate. No that was stupid to say. How was he to know?

Mascara ran in her tears and her eyes stung. Life was never going to get better, was it?

* * *

Please R&R - your reviews mean alot to me!


	21. Let Go Of My Prejudices

**OMG, There is this one chapter, then the epilogue which will wrap everything up, then its over!**

* * *

"Emma?" A familiar voice broke the silence in the living room.

Emma's heart lurched as the new sound was introduced into the offering. She looked up and saw Jay standing in the doorway. She opened her mouth to say something, but her voice just wouldn't materialize.

"So you know about Sean, then?" Jay asked, as he casually strolled across the living room to take a seat on the couch.

Emma held up the folded letter and nodded slowly. "Read it." She whispered, holding it out for Jay.

Jay took hold of the paper and read it slowly. Emma analyzed him as he read. He held the page with both hands, and his eyes moved slowly over each word. He slowly licked his lips as he read. It took him a while to absorb all the words. Emma didn't know how smart Jay was, but judging from the fact that he was acting illiterate, cut school on a regular basis and was always in detention, Emma was guessing not very.

"Em... Sean didn't know. He wrote this days ago. It's not his fault."

"It's my fau-"

"No-one's to blame here, ok?" Jay interrupted firmly. He didn't let Emma say another word; he just jumped up from the sofa, pulled Emma up by the hand and pulled her into a tight bear hug. She didn't struggle or refuse at all, for a change. Jay could just express his feelings how he wanted.

"It'll all be ok, I promise." Jay said soothingly. His strong, muscular arms around her small frame made her feel safe. She locked her arms around his body for safety. He rocked her back and forth gently. She breathed in his familiar aftershave scent and felt relief and solace wash over her. She rested her head on his chest and in the calming silence she could hear his heart beating.

"Jay?" Emma let her soft, tiny voice out into the silence, filling the room.

"What's up?" Jay kissed the top of her head, the way he knew she liked.

"Can I come back to yours?" She asked bravely. She didn't even know if he'd want her there, but she knew for sure that she wanted to be there.

Jay didn't answer; he just placed a kiss upon her lips. As they parted, Emma inquired,

"Is that a yes then?"

He smirked and let out a small peel of laughter. "You bet it is."

* * *

Emma and Jay sat together on the couch at Jay's watching a movie together. She had her legs draped across his lap and he rested his hand lightly on her leg. The other hand they had clasped together. You'd never have guessed there was anything wrong.

"I know you hate chick flicks. Turn it over if you want." Emma held out the remote to Jay but he shook his head.

"You chose the film, you obviously wanted to watch it, so watch it is what we're gonna do."

Emma smiled and actually felt giddy inside. She'd never felt more at ease with Jay than she did now, and it felt good.

She stayed the night at Jay's. They slept in the same bed, but no funny business. It was just romantic and easy, like it should be. Jay had changed. He wasn't the same arrogant jerk he once was.

Emma lay awake until way past 3 a.m. thinking about where she'd be a year from now. She'd be at the end of grade twelve, facing college. She wondered if Jay would still be in her life. And if he wasn't, what would he be doing? Back to his old ways? Back to Alex, if her brief stint as a lesbian didn't work out? Same job, same cap, same smirk? She loved his smile, paired with his piercing icy blue eyes; they were easily his most striking feature.

Before this whole experience with Jay, even during it, she'd hated the thought of Jay. She didn't even take the time to get to know the boy, she just presumed from what everyone said and thought that he was an undesirable, nasty piece of scum. Over a short period of time, he'd come into her life, shaped her experiences, dented her memories and left a whirlwind of destruction in his path. But she was thankful for it. Without him she'd never have learned to let go of her prejudices.

* * *

**Wow! Only one more to go! Thank u for all the awesome reviews along the way and thank you to the few that really stuck by and reviewed most/all chapters, it really means alot to me! Please check out my other stories (Jalex and Janny).**

**Also, I am doing another Jemma chapter, beta'd once again by the faithful KagSanlover! Look out for it soon!**

**Lastly, please review this chapter and the next! Thank you!!**


	22. Epilogue Last Chapter!

**I can't believe it, its the last chapter! Enjoy this one, even though its only short! After all, it is only the epilogue.**

**DISCLAIMER: After all this time I still don't own _anything _Degrassi!**

**PS – Please R&R, it is the last chapter! It really would mean a lot to me to get a bunch of reviews! Tell me what ya think of it, constructive criticism is always welcome too! I'm putting this all up here instead of at the end, just to be different.**

**PPS – I hope you like the ending, I'm very proud of it personally!**

* * *

**EPILOGUE**

**What a difference a year makes.**

Jay Hogart emerged from underneath the body of the white BMW suspended in air. He had a hopeful grin plastered on his face. "Well?" He asked, still grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Oh... My... God!" Emma said slowly as she stood at the desk, frozen on the spot. "Jay?" She called out his name in complete shock.

He came up behind her and stood with her at the desk. Emma stepped away from him and turned to face his side. He reached forward and grabbed the small black velvet box. He flipped it open and dropped to one knee. "Marry me, Emma." He said simply.

Emma was breathless. The ring that Jay was brandishing in front of her was stunning. In its black silk surrounding was the most breath-taking silver ring with a single sapphire surrounded with tiny little twinkling diamonds.

"Please, say yes. I had this planned in my head for weeks!" Jay admitted with the smirk still fixed across his face.

Emma looked around the garage, feeling her cheeks getting red. She was so overwhelmed. "Oh my God! Yes!" She squealed squeakily.

Jay let out a relieved sigh and slipped the ring on her finger. He bounced back up off the floor and pulled Emma into an ecstatic hug. He wrapped his arms around her slim waist and swept her clean off the floor. She laughed happily and Jay felt pleased that he'd finally managed to make her happy. It had been a bumpy ride along the way, and there were dark moments where he didn't think they'd make it through to the other side, but they've done it. Their next task was staying together forever...


End file.
